The turning point...

So I drifted around for a few years, learning the true art of 'hardly making ends meet'. Although educational it wasn't the best time and working 2 jobs continuously meant that I didn't have all that much time for fun. Well really that's a lie, in truth I spent every Saturday night out ALL night and my habits were questionable. I had a good day job but a louse of a boyfriend who lived the comfortable existence of a parasite and I was pretty damn miserable.

I only spoke to my mom and dad when I absolutely had too and my father and I had drifted apart (although he still occupied the position of demi god in my eyes). As my 21st birthday approached things became more strained as family expectations rose. I had to attend the family party I was told, I really didn't have much choice in the matter. This of course only served to increase my resistance but eventually I agreed that I would at least put in an appearance. So invitations were sent out (including one to my father) and the day approached.

My party was held at my mom and dads house (previously my home) and it was the first time I had been back in 4 years. It was also the first time that my whole family would be in one place so there was a level of anticipation and excitement. 21st birthdays are really big deals in SA so I expected that all the important people would be there. Boy was I wrong....

As is tradition my father was to do a speech at the party. Some funny rendition of past events that I would find highly embarrassing but secretly would love. The expectation was there, but my father wasn't. Yip that's right, after 21 years of it, I still had faith that he wouldn't fail me but he did. By 9 that evening it was clear that he wasn't going to pitch up at all and the party looked doomed. That was until my dad stepped in. I didn't know this at the time but he had prepared a speech just in case. You see he had been there for every disappointment and had witnessed the damage that it had done.

My dads speech was short and sweet, it mentioned that we had had our differences but that to him I was always his first born. That we'd had our difficulties but that we'd learnt to respect each other. I was overcome with guilt as I began to realise who my hero should have been and was becoming. There were many wet eyes in the guests at my party that night but these soon turned to flowing streams when he signaled the dj to play a song that he had pre-chosen:

Butterfly Kisses - Colin Raye

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all for..

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy but I sure tried
"Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Sweet sixteen today
And she's lookin' like her mamma a little more every day
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make-up, from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Oh the precious times
Oh, like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
and she'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure, I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
And she leaned over...and gave me...

Butterfly kisses with her mamma there
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy don't cry

"Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more Man, this is what love is I know I've gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses

I don't think many people have the privilege of knowing the exact moment that they grew up, but that was the moment for me. Suddenly I knew that for all the things that had been tough, for all the hardships and disagreements I had been blessed. I had grown up with such diversity, been exposed to completely different opinions and allowed to shape myself and be shaped by some incredible people. But more importantly, I had a man who had come to terms with fathering a small child when he was hardly a man. A man who, through all his own hardships had always supported me when I needed it most and who provided the solid foundation that a willful child like me needed.

I had been lucky enough to be loved - blood tie or no - by a dad.

VP