villagepig

New ventures renewed...

2007-02-05T14:26:00.000Z

Hello from motherland again :-)

Surprisingly we are all still alive and kicking, if a little scarce. I've thought it through and its time to move onto a new chapter. For those of you who would like to find out what happens next, go here.....

Thats it and there ain't no more (not here anyway).

Luv & stuff
A & Co

Slow but sure...

2006-09-05T08:35:00.000+01:00

Hello again, so sorry about the vast swath's of time that pass between posts - when you live your life in increments of 4 time passes very quickly.

We're all doing very well at the moment although the 2am feed persists so the RO and I are both still struggling with the lack of sleep. It looks like it will be around for a while yet while we wait for the smaller twin to catch up to his brother. In the meantime we just snatch naps wherever we can (can anyone suggest exactly how I can do this when I'm looking after the twins during the day?).

If anyone has any suggestions for dealing with reflux, I welcome any practical advice. We have tried Gaviscon sachets, Ranitidine and Motillium and so far they all make matters worse so we're continuing without any meds at all. This does mean that their weight gain isn't as good as it could be so any progress in their sleep routine is slowed.

I really do aim to post more often as soon as I can, in the meantime please know that I am both shocked and ever grateful that so many of you have continued checking in to see if I've posted. Kind of makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :-)

A

Just a quick hello from mortherland

2006-08-25T15:21:00.000+01:00

Hi All! Sorry that I have been so scarce, I can't believe that so many months have passed already.

Things certainly have changed around here since the twins have arrived, hopefully I'll get a chance to write up a full rendition one of these days.

The short version is this; the boys (Thomas and Nathan) were due 31 July but at 27 weeks a scan picked up complications. We were overjoyed when the sonographer found a membrane as it meant that the twins were 'normal'. Unfortunately this also meant that there was the risk of Twin to Twin Transfer Syndrome (TTTS) a rare occurrence where one twin received more blood supply than the other resulting in an imbalance that is dangerous to both twins.

I don't know why were surprised that it happened given our history but it didn't make life much easier. On the up side it did provide a reason for why I felt so rough, I was carrying 2 litres of extra fluid at one point (this was removed through an amnio). Anyway, things were a bit rough and I had to be scanned every second day but the wonderful consultant managed to get us to 32 weeks which was a miracle in itself! The boys were delivered by c-section on 6 June (yip that's 060606 for those paying attention).

We were lucky really as we had plenty of time to adjust to the idea that they would be delivered really early. It also meant that I was able to received steroid injections to improve their lungs so when the boys were born only Thomas needed oxygen and only for a short while.

All in all they spent 3 weeks in the neo-natal unit, suffering only from jaundice. We were definitely fortunate again as they didn't suffer any infections or require any transfusions which meant that they were able to come home much earlier than anyone thought possible.

We have all been home for about 8 weeks now and life has taken on a surreal tint as we struggle with lack of sleep and the several weeks of the '1 week old newborn stage'. Both boys have done very well all things considered. We have issues with reflux that we're trying to find solutions to but we're working on it and will probably be asking advice about it pretty soon.

In the meantime, sorry that its taken me so long and thank-you for all the best wishes. I'll update with the whole story as soon as I can.

Love
A

Just past halfway!

2006-03-12T18:26:00.000Z

So we have made to 20 weeks, isn't that fabulous :-)

I'm especially happy because it means that I only have about 4 months to go and I can't wait. Not only am I already fed up with being pregnant but I'm pretty anxious to meet my new sons too.

We had our anatomy scan and first consultant appointment early last week and heverything looks fine. There were traces of protein and glucose in my urine but they've said not to worry about this until it has happened for 2 or more consecutive weeks. Hopefully it was just the sugary cereal that I had eaten for breakfast :-)

On the home front, my younger sister has finally moved over to the UK and is now safely ensconced in our guest bedroom. Life has been relatively busy since she arrived as we get her settled into her new life, but its lovely to have some family over (even if we still get on one anothers nerves occasionally).

I know that I have been terribly remiss in not updating more often and I am truly sorry about that, for slightly more regular updates, be sure to visit the RO as he is much better at it than I am. I am still keeping up with reading all of you though even if it seems as if I've fallen off the planet.

Take care of you and yours

Onwards and upwards

2006-02-25T20:54:00.000Z

Isn't it amazing how quickly time passes? I can't believe that my last post was so long ago, sorry 'bout that, terribly rude of me :-)

Not much has happened since we last spoke, the nausea has receeded a bit more, it only really bugs me first thing in the morning and briefly in the evening. This trimester is definately easier, if not enjoyable.

I guess I'm just not one of those people who enjoys being pregnant. I know that sounds terrible and I'm probably breaking some unwritten code but I can't believe that I'm the only woman to ever feel that way. Sure I marvel at the wonder of our growing children and I think its all rather remarkeable, but I also find it very uncomfortable and rather all consuming.

There are woman out there who love every single second of pregnancy and I envy them that because 9 months is a loooong time if you're not altogether chirpy. Fortunately we are now more or less half way through (for a twin pregnancy) at 18weeks, so I can at least see that the end is in sight.

We have our big anatomy scan on the 6th March and we finally get to meet our consultant then to so that'll be a big deal. Between now and then however we still have to spend 2 days in Birmingham delivering training (we spent 2 days last week in London doing the same) so that is the first milestone. Hopefully this will mean that the week passes quickly :-)

Trust me, with every day that passes I become less nervous about the prospect of the twins arriving, because I will be very happy when I can have my usual, energetic, healthy-feeling self back (of course this in itself is wishful thinking what with 2 new borns, but its my dream ok :-)).

Happy Saturday to all of you!

VP

A sigh of relief

2006-02-15T18:19:00.000Z

Some of you may have read the RO 's latest post which covers everything that I am about to mention but if you haven't, we have had a moment of relief. We went to have a scan yesterday and the consultant managed to find a membrane. This is great news because it means that we have 'normal' identical twins although we will now have to make sure that we keep checking for Twin-to-Twin transfusion (I think thats what its called). Although this is more common and if left unchecked potentially fatal, it is also easier to spot so we're a lot more comfortable with this option.

The second bit of news was that we managed to see their little bits - it turns out that despite both of us being completely convinced that we were having girls, we were wrong and we're to be the proud parents of 2 little boys. I must say now that I have got used to the idea - I'm almost relieved, especially when I remember what a horror I was as a teenager :-)

Thanks to ALL of you for your kind words, it does make me feel all warm and fuzzy when I get a comment, especially when I know that I haven't been the best blogger in the world and I probably don't deserve such niceties!

Hugs to all of you - and I leave you with my tummy a week later :-)

(16w4d - and sorry about the blurry nature of the pic, we didn't use the flash and I'm to lazy to do it again :-))

VP

Hopefully we've turned a corner :-)

2006-02-07T08:26:00.000Z

(I wrote this post a week ago and for some weird reason it didn't post, so here it is and I promise a more up to date one in the next day or so!)

Hello faithful readers! If any of you have stuck with me, despite the scarce posts I thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

15 weeks on now and the nausea seems to be given me a bit of a break at last! Unfortunately that was replaced by some intense tooth ache over the last couple of weeks (who'd have thought that pregnancy can have such weird effects?).

The toothache got really bad on Sunday so I was back at the dentist yesterday for some emergency root canal treatment, ouch! Now that the anaesthetic has completely worn off, my mouth is pretty sore but I'm hoping that this will get better over the course of today so that things can get back to normal tomorrow.

I did have my community midwife appointment last week and the midwife commented on how large my tummy is already. She recons that she'd have known it was twins even if we hadn't had the scan yet as I am around 4 weeks ahead of a singleton.

What do you think? (Picture taken last night).

VP

Hormonal volcano

2006-01-28T08:49:00.000Z

Holy cow this whole pregnancy thing really plays with your mind doesn't it? Over the last couple of days I seem to have become a simmering pot of frustration and close-to-the-surface anger.

So far I have (thankfully) managed to keep it close to me and so far I haven't had any major casualties but it's bloody scary *sigh*

Anyway onto news of the twins...

This has been a very busy week. We had our first midwife ante natal appointment on Monday which started off so well until we realised that due to some miscommunication at the hospital, the midwife was under the impression it was a single pregnancy. When we figured this out and mentioned it to her she was quite taken aback, even more so when we (innocently) mentioned that we knew that they were identical because there was no membrane seperating them. How naive were we? We just figured that this was normal - we were to find out that it isn't.

The midwife wasted no time in tracking down our original scan results and the appointment continued without a hitch, until... the midwife very casually said that we obviously weren't having the Downs scan (can't remember the official term). We were quite shocked by this as we had never even been given the choice and it was something that we definately wanted to have done. After glancing at out notes she explained that it was only possibly to have this scan up to 13w6d and we were already at 13w3d so there really wasn't time. The RO thankfully has some experience with the NHS and he impressively convinced both the midwife and the sonographer that it was our choice and that we were entitled to it even though we had both agreed that despite the results we wouldn't go for an amnio. They decided to squeeze us in the next day.

During the discussion this missing membrane was mentioned again and the sonographer provided a little more information about it, saying that it was called monoamniotic-monochorionic and she felt that it was very unlikely that this was truly the case and that the consultant would take a good look the following day.

Of course we rushed home and Googled it. Fortunately we managed to find some really good information (with no deliberate horror stories) and we were soon very hopeful that the membrane would be found.

Unfortunately it wasn't. The consultant did the water on the neck measuring thing and then spent a long time beating my bladder into submission as he searched for the elusive membrane but it wasn't to be.

So, we find ourselves in the position of yet again being a statistic (both Chris and I are quite fed up with our medical lot). But we love these twins fiercely already and we're ready to do whatever it takes to get both of them here safely.

VP

Big... no.... HUGE news!

2006-01-18T18:21:00.000Z

Well today was the day that we got to have our first scan. I had specifically requested an earlier scan as I had originally only been booked in for an 18 week one.

All I can say is thank the deity that I did because it seems that we are to be blessed (or something, we'll update on this in about 7 months) with twins.

I don't think that it has really sunk in yet and I'm pretty sure that it will take some time before we are used to the idea of being parents twice over, but in the meantime, lots of excited family members are keeping us busy :-)

About the twins: We don't know the sex yet (although I think that we will be finding out) but we should be able to tell in about 4 weeks or so. T1 (Twin 1) is slightly smaller than T2 (duh, Twin 2) and there seems to be about 5-6 days between them but we're not to worried about it yet as 1mm makes a huge difference at this stage.

This does mean that I'll be going in for a scan every 2 or so weeks from now until they're born so we will be able to keep up to date with the progress of the babes.

I have big intentions (and at loeast 3 decent posts swimming around inside my head) about being more consistent with the blog - hopefully the nausea will start to become a thing of the past very soon so that I don't feel the urge to throw up whenever I see my screen :-)

Thanks to everyone for their good wishes, they are hugely appreciated. To my IF friends, I know that this has all come awfully easily to us and I wish more than anything that it could be the same for everyone.

So with love from all of us........

I bet that you thought that I'd forgotten you...

2006-01-07T11:08:00.000Z

But you'd be wrong, I haven't forgotten I have just been completely overwhelmed by the New Year.

Plenty of news to share so I'd best get to it :-)

The wedding was beautiful. Somehow, despite being thousands of miles away my mom managed to accomplish everything that we asked of her. It was a fairly casual affair, the weather was warm but not hot and everyone seemed to have a lovely time. There was lots of laughter and a few tears so the perfect combination really. Pictures will follow as soon as I figure out where the CD has disappeared to.

Christmas was lovely too, despite it being slightly less of an occasion given all the other things that were going on. I got to introduce the RO and his Best Man to a typical Southern Hemisphere Christmas, sitting in the swimming pool with a cold beer in hand. I think that they found it quite strange :-)

The flight back from SA went fairly smoothly, I managed to sleep a fair amount as this is the only real solution that I have found to my 'all day' morning sickness. Unfortunately though, the RO and I both caught a cold somewhere along the line. Take a queasy stomach, add a blocked nose, a post nasal drip and temperature and you get one very miserable Villagepig.

The fact that the builders still haven't finished didn't help either but fortunately all of the big jobs have been completed, it's just the finishing touches that they're still busy with (although this stage seems to be taking the longest). It does mean that we no longer have any excuses for not unpacking boxes. If we thought that our lives were disrupted before we were sadly mistaken, now there is ALWAYS something that needs to be done - which means that everything else has taken a back seat.

Hopefully we'll get on top of it soon, but in the meantime I'll pop back as often as I can and I'll bring some of those pictures along to.

Bye for now darlings!

VP

Did ya miss me?

2005-12-28T10:38:00.000Z

Well I'm back, and I honestly cannot believe that the holiday has flown past so quickly.

News on the home front, I am now a Mrs and we're still expecting an addition! 10 weeks in and the nausea hasn't passed yet but I'm hopeful.

South Africa was gorgeous and the weather was very kind to us (the safari was especially successful but more news on that soon).

We only have a few days to unpack all our boxes so posts may be scarce but I promise to bring pictures and more detailed news on the next few days. In the meantime, Merry Christmas!!

Love
VP

A rather quick update I'm afraid...

2005-12-01T12:12:00.000Z

So sorry for being scarce over the last few days. What with battling morning sickness, sorting out final details at the house and preparing for the holiday/wedding, I've been a little pre-occupied.

The goos news is, the pregnancy is looking good - due date (so far) 31 July 2006. We're very excited but still a little wary and I'm not looking forward to the 12 hour flight at all.

We're away in South Africa from tomorrow and will only be back on 27 December. I will do everything I can to update but SA has notoriously bad bandwidth problems so it may be tough.

If I don't get a chance to say so before hand, I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and I will definately catch up with ALL of you in 2006!

Hugs all around!
VP

A short update..

2005-11-26T21:12:00.000Z

Although Friday turned out to be a complete waste of time (the Practice Nurse was both new and without any knowledge), although to give her her dues, she did give us the name of another PN at a different surgery.

I managed to get hold of this other PN on Friday afternoon and she kindly made an appointment with the GP straight away (and she seemed a little surprised that this hadn't been done already).

So Monday at 11am I get to see a doctor. Thank god for that!!!

VP

At last! A professional opinion...

2005-11-24T21:00:00.000Z

You won't believe how difficult it has been to try and get a doctors appointment. For those of you not from the UK let me briefly explain how things work here when it comes to finding a GP. If you're in England, then you can find out where the nearest doctor is and you pop in, fill in the registration papers and voila! You have a doctor. When we lived across the border in England we had a doctor, but since we love live across in Wales (only by a couple of miles mind you) they refuse to see us.

Unfortunately in Wales, things work a little differently, at least here in Flintshire they do. We had to get in touch with the county council and they allocate a doctor to you. The first time I phoned I was told that they nearest doctor (that had books open to new patients) was in Mold, which is about 25 minutes away from us by car. Silly me asked if there were any doctors closer to either our home or work and was given another doctor that was within 15 minutes of home.

So on Monday I drove to the nearer doctor (having called and confirmed everything with them first) so that I could register our details. Unfortunately when I got there they informed me that they didn't cover the village that we live in (even though they cover the one right next door). I called the council who insisted that they did but unfortunately the doctors had the trump card and refused the registration papers.

After several more frantic calls it became apparent that we would have to settle for the doctor in Mold as we were at least guaranteed that they would accept us (baring in mind my recent news and our impending trip to a Africa in a few days). The RO and I made the long track there, filled out the forms and the lovely lady at the front desk then told us that they have a branch within about 5 minutes of where we live. Somehow this seems to have escaped the councils knowledge but it was very welcome news indeed!

Unfortunately though the earliest that we can get any kind appointment (you have to have a mini medical with a nurse before you can think about seeing a doctor) is tomorrow afternoon and not a minute to soon! It's been a very long week, full of mixed emotions. On the one hand we have had several positive pregnancy tests but it still doesn't seem official until it's been acknowledged by a professional and I would love to get the low down on these damn hormonal mood swings and when they're likely to settle down.

Anyway, hopefully the appointment will prove fruitful and all this complaining will be for naught :-)

VP

A full schedule...

2005-11-22T19:35:00.000Z

The dogs are back so our life schedules are suddenly full to overflowing again. Dogs are way more trouble than cats. They are incredibly demanding wanting to be fed, watered, walked and toilet-ed (I know, it's not a word but it best describes our dogs inability to 'get' the whole toilet training thing) and loved.

The cats on the other hand take themselves to the toilet and only ask that there be food and water available and that they get a nice cuddle before bed time.

I guess things will get better once the fence is finally put up - unfortunately we have to take the dogs out on a leash every time they show the slightest inclination otherwise they make an instant bolt for the main road which can only lead to disaster.

For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, believe me I know that the whole pet thing is really a moot point (or as Joey would say, a 'Moo' point) because we all know that children are WAY more demanding and definitely require even more dedication, love and effort but it's early days yet so let me enjoy the animal dramas a little bit longer :-)

VP

oh yes, I've finally managed to get an appointment at the doctors for Friday afternoon, will definitely have more to say after that.

I've been tagged...

2005-11-21T19:33:00.000Z

That's right folks, I have arrived :-) this pretty lady has tagged me with the meme of 5's so here's the low down....

Ten Years Ago:
I'm not entirely sure what I was doing, but I do know that I was NOT talking to my parents at the time and anything that I was doing definitely went against everything that they had tried to instill in me.

5 Years Ago:
I was a business analyst for a financial software development company. At night I spent a LOT of time partying and partaking in some seriously questionable mind altering substances. Attended a whole bunch of fantastic parties with my fantabulous group of friends who are still very important to me today.

1 Year Ago:
The boys (our 2 Jack Russell puppies) had just arrived and our lives revolved around them. We were also renovating our previous house (spot the cycle).

5 Yummy things:
1) Condensed Milk on fresh white bread
2) Avocado
3) Fresh, homemade, salted popcorn
4) Toasted chicken & mayo sandwiches
5) Nando's chicken! (double yum)

5 Songs I know by heart:
1) Somebody - Depeche Mode
2) Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
3) 99 Red Balloons - Nena
4) Your Song - Elton John
5) Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

5 Things I would do with a lot of money:
1) Pay off our mortgage and finish all the renovations before Christmas
2) Distribute enough money to all of my close relatives and friends that they can clear their debts
3) Provide financial assistance to those couples desperate to have a baby but without the means to do so
4) Fund an animal rescue centre
5) Invest wisely so that neither myself nor my partner would have to work again thereby reintroducing the enjoyment of work

5 Things I would never wear:
1) Anything in Gold
2) White shoes (other than to get married in)
3) Stick on bra (they do not work on big breasted girls)
4) Hot Pants
5) Patent leather thigh high boots

5 Favourite TV Shows:
1) West Wing
2) Lost
3) Everwood (Red I thought I was the only person who watched this!!)
4) CSI (Las Vegas and New York, not Miami)
5) House of Tiny Tearaways (you'll probably only know it if you live in the UK, I LOVE this show!)

5 Things I enjoy doing:
1) Reading
2) Playing with the dogs
3) Stroking my cats
4) Doing DIY
5) Sleeping :-)

I don't know enough people well enough to inflict a meme on them yet so I'll just pass it onto the RO

VP

p.s All is still well although I'm struggling to get an appointment with the doctors to confirm everything once and for all. Thanks to ALL of you for the kind comments and wishes.

I know what I said but...

2005-11-18T20:23:00.000Z

I'm feeling a little silly now because last night I had a new version of a recurring dream that I have been having for a very long time.

Every version contains a baby, and I am always looking after said baby. In the old version however I'm always struggling to hold the baby. I have never dropped it but my arms always feel really heavy and tired and I look around frantically for a soft service to hover over in case I do drop it. I have never been to stressed out about it when I wake up as I have always assumed that this was my subconscious saying that perhaps I was not quite ready for the responsibility of a child.

Last night the dream had a distinct difference. In this version I felt perfectly capable and very comfortable carrying the baby around. Throughout the dream I hugged, cradled and rocked this baby and I never experienced the heavy limbed exhaustion of before.

You may wonder why this is significant and why I feel quite silly? It's because this morning when I went for my ritual morning wee, I re-introduced the stick, and there was a faint but distinct +!

I tried again (on a different stick) at lunchtime and the + was still there.

So there we have it folks, it looks like we've progressed a little so now we just have to hope that all is as it should be and that things progress smoothly from here onwards.

VP

How am I going to cope?

2005-11-17T21:34:00.000Z

What I really need is:

a) A big white toilet that I can strap to my ass so that I can wee at any time without interrupting my life every 6 seconds
b) A bigger bloody bladder
c) Less thirst damn it, it doesn't help matters!

One might think when reading the above that I MUST be pregnant because everyone knows that pregnant ladies wee, a LOT. Unfortunately this isn't necessarily the case because I have and always have had, a very small bladder, and clearly a very short tube connecting my mouth to the acorn sized container where liquid is stored briefly before needing to be expelled.

I need to wee all the time, often within minutes of the last wee and it's not as if I get ample warning either. One minute I am blissfully comfortable and the next I feel like someone has forcefully injected seventy-five million liters of water into my body. I try holding it so that my bladder 'learns' (is this an old wives tale that parents tell their kids when they want to go to the loo all the time) to hold more liquid, but it HURTS and I don't like pain much.

Also, if I hold it I get infections and they are so not cool.

All this makes me wonder how the hell I'm going to cope (note the neat inclusion of the header) if I ever do fall pregnant. Surely it is not possible for me to need to pee any more frequently than I already do?

God, I hope not, cause if it gets any worse I'll be camping out in the bathroom and this will seriously impact on kitten cuddle time*.

VP

* No this is not some weird euphemism, I spend a large portion of my evenings cuddling the cats :-)

Looks like we'll be practicing a whole bunch more...

2005-11-16T19:34:00.000Z

I managed to hold out until today. According to the box, the Early Detection pregnancy test should work from as early as 4 days before my period is due (which is Saturday). If that's true then it seems that we weren't lucky this time around.

I'm disappointed sure, but I'm not unrealistic, I don't expect everything to go the way that I want it to.

Of course we will test again in a couple of days but I guess the real proof lies in what happens this week-end.

I'm sure a whole bunch (hehehehe note my bigging my readership up) of you have been wondering why on earth we are even trying now given that we're about to eave for South Africa for our wedding and our house isn't even finished yet. I guess the main reason is that we're really ready, but more importantly we would've loved to have been able to tell my parents in person. I know that they wouldn't mind how they were told but it just seemed that it would have been something really exciting to share with them.

We'll see what happens over the next couple of days, but I'm not holding my breath!

VP

A Vast improvement :-)

2005-11-15T17:53:00.000Z

So Manchester is a much nicer city when you make the whole driving thing someone else's problem. I decided to take a cab into town this morning and so had the perfect opportunity to sit back and have a look at the sites.

There are some gorgeous buildings in the city centre, and I think I may come back again so that I can spend some time walking around. Unfortunately it will have to be next year because the next few weeks are completely jam packed with things that need to be done.

We're off to sample the delightful deli selection at Selfridges tonight, or maybe we'll pop into one of those gorgeous Asian restaurants. yum yum yum yum yum.....

Can you tell that I am absolutely starving*!

VP

* yes, I know I'm not starving in the true sense but I use it for effect.

Manchester by car..

2005-11-14T20:22:00.000Z

So here's a tip for free.... If ever you have to travel to Manchester, do yourself a favour, don't put yourself through the trauma of traveling around by car. This has got to be one of the hardest cities to navigate and I have driven around London for gods sake!

The day started out ok, I managed to navigate my way into the city without too much trouble having made sure that I had directions from my hotel to the course venue. However once I'd reached the city centre I discovered that Manchester is a city of road works and diversions. The last 2 miles of my journey was a maze of one ways and mad drivers. I eventually arrived at the venue (after some help from a very kind person) 45 minutes after setting out.

The drive home however was a completely different story. First, I was almost run off the road by some mad person who thought that he could fit his tank of a Ford into a space the size of a lemon. I had to slam on brakes and drive into the curb to avoid having my front end smashed to pieces (fortunately no lasting damage to my car although the same cannot be said for my poor heart). Then, all roads that should have led out to the Ring Road (and finally the hotel) were closed for yet more road works. Eventually 1 hour later I finally found the M60 and managed to find an alternate route.

I stopped in at the Trafford Centre to try and get some of my Christmas Shopping done (I had planned it for weeks) but I just didn't have the inclination or the energy. So I popped into Nando's, picked up a take away and am now hiding back in my hotel room and planning on an early night.

Hopefully tomorrow goes better (I'm intending on biting the bullet and paying for a cab instead).

It's a nightmare I tell you!

*sigh*

VP

Absence may make the heart grow fonder...

2005-11-13T20:55:00.000Z

But this heart doesn't like being away from home.

I'm staying in Manchester for the next 3 days as I have to attend a training course. I'm to learn new skills for a role that no longer exists.

Worse than that I miss my other half (you know him well so I won't link - being lazy). I know it's sickening that we spend all our time together, pretty much 24 hours a day in fact, but we like it that way and so this length of time away is kind of difficult.

On the upside, this hotel has fantastic wifi access and it's free!

So I may update, if there is anything worth mentioning but in the meantime, if you're lurking, please leave a comment with a little bit of info about yourself. I know you're there and I'd like to see you 'face-to-face' :-)

Ciao for now.

VP

Seriously though is that really necessary???

2005-11-11T19:59:00.000Z

Yeah ok, I'll admit it, I am a true South African when it comes to driving (sorry about the generalisation fellow SAFA's) but damn some of these UK drivers are crazy!

It amazes me that in a country where the traffic laws are really strict and enforced readily, there are still people who take seriously stupid chances on the road.

There have been 2 occasions this week where, had I been quick enough, I'd have taken down their registration numbers and sent them to the police.

The first occurrence was earlier this week. The RO was bunking off work with a bad back so I went home over lunch to take him something to eat. On the way back to work a guy in a Porsche came flying past me, then proceeded to weave his way through the traffic even overtaking on the inside lane (a cardinal sin in the UK - in South Africa, not so much). As we approached the offramp the Porsche dropped back behind 2 of the cars he had just overtaken. These same 2 cars took the offramp (a double lane) one in the left lane and one in the right. The porsche driver accelerated weaving between these 2 cars and finally slammed on breaks as the traffic lights changed.

As I pulled up to the traffic light I found myself behind him and he was looking in his rear view mirror. So I gestured to him (in a kind of shoulder shrugging palms facing up kind of way) to which he replied with a mocking yawn. So a clapped and he threw me the finger. The traffic lights then changed and he pulled off in a frenzy again! Asshole Porsche driver indeed - probably has a small..... erm sorry kids :-)

The second occasion was this evening on the way home. We were stopped at a round-a-bout waiting for a car to come around and this wanker behind me got impatient and decided to flash his lights at me. Unfortunately it was already dark so his normal lights were already on, this meant that the only way to flash at me was to use his brights. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the bright light reflected in both my side mirror and rear view mirror rendering me completely blind for several seconds. He did this twice before I was able to block the light and eventually pull off. He then proceeded to follow right on my tail for most of the remaining journey home. Lucky for him, he drove on when I pulled into our drive.

It just completely freaks me out! Where are the traffic cops when we need them?

VP

It's morse code for bees*

2005-11-09T22:23:00.000Z

Although we have been pretty open with the ol' t'internet about the whole trying for a baby thing, we haven't really shared that information with everyone in real life however the RO decided that today he would let the cat out of the bag.

You see we both belong to a fantastic mailing list (I know, we are geeks in a really big way) comprising of some very intelligent and eclectic people who spend large portions of their day arguing with each other about very important things. One of today's topics was about the next meet up that is to be held in December. The invitation comprised of all the usual information as well as whether the members of the list would be bringing children along. The RO thought that this was the ideal opportunity and replied with the line 'does a fetus count?'

This statement definitely wasn't overlooked (despite the list comprising almost entirely of men) and before I knew it I had several of them texting and msn-ing me to find out whether I am in fact pregnant.

One of these people has recently become a dad and the msn conversation with him took a very unexpected turn when he stated that if I was only likely to know whether we had been successful in about 7 days then I must've ovulated over the week-end. Unless of course (he said) I, like many woman the world over, actually have a slightly longer menstrual cycle, in which case I would probably ovulate tonight. Now I had been feeling pretty strange all day and couldn't decide what the ache in my lower abdomen was, so I mentioned this to him (strange I know but he seemed to really know his stuff!). He suggested that I pop into the pharmacy after work and pick up an Ovulation test as this would give me a clear indication of whether tonight was in fact the night that we should be the 'funky chicken'.

So, I popped into the pharmacy after work as he had suggested and bought one of those pink boxes. I brought it home and followed all the instructions. Low and behold! He was right, I am in fact only ovulating tonight and so the poor RO, sore neck or not has to perform his duty if we're to have any chance of success this cycle.

You just have to love the internet and the weird array of people that it produces!

VP

*If you're wondering what the title has to do with all of this, it's a slightly cryptic clue that only those in the know will get :-)

Isle of Man

2005-11-07T20:47:00.000Z

I had a really early start this morning as I had to fly over to the Isle of Man* to do some work related stuff.

Having never been there I was quite excited (as I always am when it's somewhere I have never been). All I can say is that they are by far the friendliest people I have ever encountered. I never saw one grumpy face the whole day and everyone went out of their way to be helpful.

And if I think that the people are great, the scenery is truly breathtaking. I think that every single house has a gorgeous view from at least 1 window so it's no wonder they're all so bloody cheerful :-)

The word from the locals is that those planning on visiting their fair Isle should not bother with the ferry. It takes really long and the sea is almost always choppy so you're destined to have an unpleasant journey. Flying was really quick and easy, and if you fly from Liverpool airport, Euro Manx is quite cheap as well.

Apparently the accommodation is well priced and a big plus is that they have no licensing laws there so the bars and clubs are open (in Douglas) 24 hours over the week-end.

If that's not worth a week-end away, I have no idea what is.

VP

* not to be confused with the Isle of White which is on the other side of the UK!

It's a weird world we live in when

2005-11-06T19:24:00.000Z

we celebrate someone attempting to blow up the houses of parliament. All in all though I'd say that this was the least stressful Guy Fawlkes I have ever experienced. People in our little village seem to be both sensible and respectful of the animals around them as fireworks were kept to a minimum and most of them were of the silent(ish) but pretty kind. Either that or most of the residents are too old to be into that kind of thing anymore ;-).

On another note, it has been suggested that I may be just a little bit obsessive when it comes to certain things. When I decide to do something I have to find out everything that I can in order to make an informed decision before proceeding. So when the RO and I decided that we were going to start trying to get pregnant, I did what I always do, I Googled. Thanks to the joys of t'internet I therefore knew that last night was the most likely time that I would be ovulating so the last 5 days have been a frenzy of 'trying'. Naturally the RO isn't complaining :-) although I think he'd probably have preferred it if I wasn't discussing the nature of mucus and the like.

What can I say, I'm adamant that all things should be considered equally in order to try and get the most desirable (if you'll excuse the pun) outcome.

All that remains is for us to wait the designated amount of time before doing that test - maybe we will be lucky and see the 2 lines but if not at least we're perfectly versed in the art of trying.

I'll keep you posted :-)

VP

You Americans are Loco!!

2005-11-04T21:41:00.000Z

Man oh man there are some seriously weird people out there. A few days ago I posted about whether spanking was ok or not and it seems to have hit a niche that I hadn't considered.

Now I don't know exactly what people were hoping to find but if they were looking for the more kinky side of things they should probably go elsewhere 'cause they ain't gonna find any of that skanky shite here!

Statistically the US is way ahead of the rest of the world in this, to be more specific, of the many many 'spanking' searches that landed people here, this is the worldwide percentage split;

76% were from the USA
9% were from the UK
4% were from Germany
2% were from Canada

and the rest were from Russia, Israel and Luxembourg.

Now given how small Luxembourg is, I'd say that they're the real winners here :-)

B.T.W the RO and I don't spank each other (at least not in that way) although I do occasionally have to tap the little boys on the rump when they misbehave.....

VP

Just a little thing

2005-11-02T21:50:00.000Z

Temperature up - check
Breasts tender - check
Cervix primed - check

Let the games begin!!

VP

Stop the world, I wanna get off!!!

2005-11-02T21:27:00.000Z

So there I was, minding my own business, getting on with a bit of work when it struck me - it is November. Now that seems logical enough after all November usually comes after October but bloody hell, in 4 weeks we leave for South Africa! For our wedding! And we have guest fluing in from the UK! To join us!! AAaaarrrgh!!!

(Now I know that there are way to many exclamations in the above sentence, but seriously that was the reaction.)
You see, just over a year ago, the RO and I set a date for our wedding, and after much thought we decided that it was logical to have it in South Africa as the exchange rate favours the Brits (immensely) and it would be a great opportunity for our friends to combine a holiday with our happy occasion.

Everything wedding wise has been taken care of (thanks mom!) and I have my wedding atire all sorted out so there is no problem there but it struck me that I have all these people flying into a city that they have never visited before and I am responsible for them. So there began a frantic frenzy of e-mails and phone calls to gather all the information (flights, dates etc) so that I know when everyone is arriving and where they are going to stay.
In typical fashion I had all along told people not to worry about the details of accommodation and transport as I would take care of it for them. But yet again in my usual fashion, I had left these seemingly unimportant details to the last minute - hence my stressed reaction.

Fortunately, I am pretty adept at the whole internet thing and so by close of business today, all the details have been sorted out and we're ready to go.

Now to just get the house in some kind of habitable state for our animal sitter as I'm pretty sure the paid help won't be quite as forgiving of all the building rubble and clutter that currently fills every floor and window sill in the house.

At least that is something to keep me busy over the next 4 weeks, otherwise I just know that the time would pass very, very slowly!

Getting very excited now :-)

VP

Major rant warning!

2005-10-31T21:26:00.000Z

It's another one of those posts - where I get to vent my spleen about something or someone that I really despise.

Today's fascinating topic is fireworks. I know, they're pretty and make everyone ooohh and aahhh at their magnificence but come on! They're loud and obtrusive and they scare my animals. I hate fireworks! And it's not a new thing either. Even as a child I hated the loud bangs that they produced and even more importantly, I hated the way all of our animals would cower in terror waiting for the next big blast.

This is of course the worst time of year for fireworks and even though November hasn't even arrived yet, the fireworks have. This evening the manor house which is right in the middle of the village decided to host a fireworks display. None of the residents of the village were warned (unless it was only us that didn't receive the memo) and before we knew what was happening, the loud bangs began. Fortunately our cats are still getting used to the new surroundings to they aren't allowed outside yet because they immediately scattered wide eyed and terrified to the darkest spots that they could find.

Even more astonishing is the fact that the boarding kennel for cats shares the same ground as the manor house. All I can say is thank god we had already fetched our two and brought them home because I cannot begin to imagine how horrible that experience would have been for them.

Of course many people believe that fireworks are a celebration and a right that they are entitled too but I wonder how many of them consider all the wild animals that are severely affected by it.

It saddens me that we as a society welcome this kind of intrusion on our environment, but I guess it's hardly surprising given the lack of empathy that we have for each other.

I've already signed all the petitions that I can find and I will continue to do so until someone realises that fireworks really aren't worth the paper they're wrapped in.

VP

I know that there is a lesson in here somewhere (perhaps it is that the title should never be longer than the post)

2005-10-30T22:19:00.000Z

A wise woman would know that staying up late all week-end reading the archives of a particularly good blog (to be found here) would be very bad for her health and her complexion.

I am not a wise woman and I have the spots to prove it :-(

VP

When is spanking ok?

2005-10-27T20:28:00.000+01:00

So I have suddenly started to be a popular choice when people search for anything to do with spanking. I assume that this type of spanking is the kind used on children and not the other kind. If it is the other kind, then sadly I won't have given them much joy (sorry 'bout that folks, perhaps in the future?)

Any hoo, about the spanking thing... Pat left a comment on one of my previous entries in which she mentioned the previous generations attitude to spanking and it got me thinking. The RO got to talking about it yesterday and its clear that our upbringing (which have been vastly different) have definitely shaped our views on the subject.

As I only have my own experience to draw on, I'll only share my opinion, maybe the RO with share his sometime to.

Spanking was a regular occurrence for me when I was growing up. This ranged from the regular 'slap on the thighs' right through to the more hard core 'belt or shoe'. Now let me hasten to add for those who haven't caught up with the story so far, I was a difficult child partly due to circumstance and partly due to genes (but that's a whole other story). The problem with this type of punishment as far as I can see is that it is only affective for as long as the child truly fears it. This is where my dad messed up a little. Spanking was always his first choice of punishment and it was always delivered in anger (I hasten to add that I was not 'beaten' or 'abused' and I have no bruises or scars to show for it). The frequency of the spanking made it lose all it's impact and this only transferred the control over to me.

Imagine for a minute that you receive a hard slap on the leg every day for the next year, sure it will still sting every day but eventually the anticipation for the sting dwindles until it is replaced with resigned acceptance. You know that the sting will fade pretty quickly and so the impact is removed. For me this is a completely illogical and ineffective form of punishment - the only thing this will strengthen is the child's stubborn and resilient traits.

It is a tough call to make for me because I don't want to ever be in the position where I would feel it necessary to give a child of mine a hiding. That's not to say that I will never be in that position however and so I have come up with a strategy that I hope will work for me...

A hiding will always be my last resort.
To me the most important method for dealing with disobedience is communication, the child needs to understand what he/she has done and why it is inappropriate.
The second form or punishment I would use is consequence. Children quickly learn to understand the value of their own property when you threaten to remove it (or you do remove it). This extends to tv and game playing as well as toys etc
Thirdly - grounding. This was perhaps the most effective form of punishment that my parents used (having overused all the others this was all that was really left) - especially as a young child/early teenager, the idea of not being able to see my friends was a biggie!

Now I'm not a fool, I realise that without actually putting this in to practice I have no way of truly knowing whether this method will work, however I am confident that between us, the RO and I will be able to support one another through all eventualities.

I really wish that my mom and dad had taken the time to think things through. I wish that my father had remembered that children need to be allowed the opportunity to be just children. As all my experiences are now in the past, I can only look to the future and hope that I won't make the same mistakes that they did. That as parents we will show a unified front, that any disagreement that we may have with each other or one another's parenting techniques will be discussed away from our children so as to protect them from the inevitable fallout that occurs when children witness cracks in their parents solidarity.

My parents made plenty of pretty bad decisions and as an adult I had to work through the anxiety and confusion that arose from them, but I came out fine at the other end as I can only hope other children in the same situation will too.

The turning point...

2005-10-24T21:35:00.000+01:00

So I drifted around for a few years, learning the true art of 'hardly making ends meet'. Although educational it wasn't the best time and working 2 jobs continuously meant that I didn't have all that much time for fun. Well really that's a lie, in truth I spent every Saturday night out ALL night and my habits were questionable. I had a good day job but a louse of a boyfriend who lived the comfortable existence of a parasite and I was pretty damn miserable.

I only spoke to my mom and dad when I absolutely had too and my father and I had drifted apart (although he still occupied the position of demi god in my eyes). As my 21st birthday approached things became more strained as family expectations rose. I had to attend the family party I was told, I really didn't have much choice in the matter. This of course only served to increase my resistance but eventually I agreed that I would at least put in an appearance. So invitations were sent out (including one to my father) and the day approached.

My party was held at my mom and dads house (previously my home) and it was the first time I had been back in 4 years. It was also the first time that my whole family would be in one place so there was a level of anticipation and excitement. 21st birthdays are really big deals in SA so I expected that all the important people would be there. Boy was I wrong....

As is tradition my father was to do a speech at the party. Some funny rendition of past events that I would find highly embarrassing but secretly would love. The expectation was there, but my father wasn't. Yip that's right, after 21 years of it, I still had faith that he wouldn't fail me but he did. By 9 that evening it was clear that he wasn't going to pitch up at all and the party looked doomed. That was until my dad stepped in. I didn't know this at the time but he had prepared a speech just in case. You see he had been there for every disappointment and had witnessed the damage that it had done.

My dads speech was short and sweet, it mentioned that we had had our differences but that to him I was always his first born. That we'd had our difficulties but that we'd learnt to respect each other. I was overcome with guilt as I began to realise who my hero should have been and was becoming. There were many wet eyes in the guests at my party that night but these soon turned to flowing streams when he signaled the dj to play a song that he had pre-chosen:

Butterfly Kisses - Colin Raye

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all for..

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy but I sure tried
"Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Sweet sixteen today
And she's lookin' like her mamma a little more every day
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make-up, from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Oh the precious times
Oh, like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
and she'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure, I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
And she leaned over...and gave me...

Butterfly kisses with her mamma there
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy don't cry

"Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more Man, this is what love is I know I've gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses

I don't think many people have the privilege of knowing the exact moment that they grew up, but that was the moment for me. Suddenly I knew that for all the things that had been tough, for all the hardships and disagreements I had been blessed. I had grown up with such diversity, been exposed to completely different opinions and allowed to shape myself and be shaped by some incredible people. But more importantly, I had a man who had come to terms with fathering a small child when he was hardly a man. A man who, through all his own hardships had always supported me when I needed it most and who provided the solid foundation that a willful child like me needed.

I had been lucky enough to be loved - blood tie or no - by a dad.

VP

The story continues...

2005-10-23T20:11:00.000+01:00

So there I was, early adolescence, difficult home life, parents with zero communication skills. Life had become a weird saga wherein I was the only person who acknowledged everyone's presence.

My father had become very successful and was mixing with some very influential people. South Africa at the time was right in the middle of apartheid but he and his friends were already discussion the probability of a 'new' South Africa. I, from the tender age of about 11 started spending time with some very intellectual and very serious adults. People who would consider every opinion that I had and who never found my intense curiosity strange. On the other hand, these same people grew quickly irritated with any glimpse of teenage angst or girly giggles - my father more so than any other. Week-ends at my fathers became a surreal type of grown-up game where I acted and was treated much older than my years.

During the week however things couldn't have been more different. My step dad simply couldn't cope with my precocious nature and instead chose to use punishment as a tool to curb my unruly tongue. He tried hidings, but I refused to cry. He tried grounding, but I enjoyed my own company as much as that of others. Instead of making progress with me, this reaction simply hardened my resolve against him and I used every opportunity available to make life hard for me. From sneaking out, to smoking I had a whole inventory of lies at the ready for any situation that I was caught in. The worst part was that none of my parents thought to seek each others opinions so I got away with it way longer than I should have.

At the age of 17, life at home had become beyond unbearable so I waited until my dad went away on a business trip, packed what little belongings I had and left home. I honestly believed that this was my only alternative. My mother and I had never seen eye to eye and the older I got the more viscous our insults became. My dad had all but given up on trying to 'break' me and instead just acknowledged me as little as possible*. The only path that I could take was to leave and start anew.

VP

* Years later my mother told me how devastated my dad was that I had left when he wasn't there. Unfortunately the veil of teenage misery obscured the fact that he really loved me as if I was his own.

Thursday update...

2005-10-20T17:59:00.000+01:00

So the team building thing yesterday went quite well but as per usual the evening quickly slipped into debauchery for some. It's as if free booze brings out the worst in some people and loosens their tongues in a way that is painfully embarrassing for the people involved!

West Wing is going really well - and despite much seeking (on advice from Zinnia) I have failed to find any kind of support group to help with the addiction. We'll just have to stick it out and watch it all the way until the end before going cold turkey.

On other news the house is kind of getting there. Upstairs should be finished (except for decorating and furnishing) by tomorrow afternoon. Windows are half way there and the flooring should (hopefully) get under way next week.

Our cats come home on Saturday (YAY) which will be a very welcome homecoming. I have missed them tremendously and can't wait to have their little purring machines back where they belong.

I promise to continue with the story soon - at least as soon as I can focus away from the tv long enough to reconstruct the memories accurately.

VP

It'll have to be brief...

2005-10-18T20:06:00.000+01:00

I'm going to have to take a brief break (not long I promise) from the long story.

Our new bed arrived today and so from tonight we are finally SLEEPING IN THE HOUSE!!! YAY :-)

Also, we bought the West Wing Season 6 box set yesterday and we're already deeply entrenched in the drama's of the oval office.

Bear with us during this difficult time, we are nursing an addiction and normal service will resume Thursday.

hugs & stuff...

VP (and MyMateSid)

A small step back in reflection...

2005-10-17T17:56:00.000+01:00

After finishing the last post I started thinking back to my early adolescence and it struck me that I would need to give a little more detail about the circumstances that turned me into the horror child from hell :-) so here is a brief outline of the personalities that molded me in my youth.

Father (real father remember :-))
I've already mentioned that he is the artistic type, complete with brooding good looks and temperament. In addition to all this he is quite posh, came from a fairly well off English family where education was the most important rite of passage. He is also very liberal and surrounds himself with quirky yet incredibly interesting people.

20 years ago*, he had some less desirable character traits. He was a snob, had an intense aversion to Afrikaans and he preferred the company of woman who were a lot younger than him (not illegally young but definitely young). He also had absolutely no concept of discipline both for himself and his daughter. His way of dealing with bad behavior was to turn it into an adult conversation, to be dealt with on adult terms.

Dad (step-father remember :-))
My dad couldn't have been more different from my father. In fact he epitomised everything that my father despised. He was Afrikaans, from a working class family and happy with his lot(and ultimately the lot of his step daughter).

20 years ago** his approach to parenting involved extreme discipline ranging from simple grounding right through to serious spanking. He definitely came from the school of 'children should be seen and not heard' and he took the job of step father very, very seriously. I suspect that there was a bit of overkill involved there but who could blame him huh?

So baring the above in mind, I entered adolescence a little confused. On the one hand I was treated as a young adult who's opinion was seriously considered at all times and who never received any kind of discipline and on the other I was subjected to regular spanking for my 'smart' mouth and opinionated ideals.

I guess the differences in parenting created the ideal opportunity to manipulate things to my best advantage, especially as none of my parents ever spoke to one another.

Things began to get seriously out of control around the age of 13 when life at home with my mom and dad was at its worst. My dad had taken to drinking a fair amount and his relationship with my mom had soured resulting in massive arguments and much name calling. My sister (the first child from my mom and dads marriage) was 6 at the time and I spent a lot of time trying to protect her from their problems. On one occasion I can remember my mother coming home at around 6pm having worked overtime to get some extra money in. My dad was convinced that she had been having an affair and told her so in no uncertain terms. The more she tried to explain where she had been, the worse his anger became and the resulting argument began to spiral out of control. I remembered him saying to my mother that she could take me and leave and that she was no longer welcome in his house and I remember this as being the first time that my lack of fear for confrontation came to the fore. I entered the room and stated very clearly that he was the unwelcome one and that it should be him packing his bags and leaving. His reaction was unprecedented, he unceremoniously picked me up and threw me against a piano in the room. I don't remember the exact words that he said, but I know they were very unsavoury. I also remember that my mom didn't do a thing.

The following day, I phoned my father and told him what had happened. I expected that he would immediately fetch me and claim his right as a father. Unfortunately it quickly became apparent that this idea definitely didn't fit into his plans. Instead he said that he couldn't intervene in my mom and dads problems and that I should just stay out of their troubles. This was the first time that he had directly put his owns needs before mine. This was to be the first of many disappointments...

VP

* I have to clarify that he is a very different man today. Circumstances have changed so much that he is completely unrecognisable as the man that I have described above and I now respect him in many ways.

** Again, to clarify, my dad has since become a wonderful father and is also unrecognisable as the man I have described.

Bringing up baby (continued)

2005-10-15T21:44:00.000+01:00

So mom came back with a new man in tow.

I don't remember this although I have other memories of events around this time. Dad2 was 4 years younger than my mom so the instant family thing must have been a real shock to the system.

Dad2 was the eldest son in a very traditional and conservative Afrikaans family however he had rebelled a little in his youth and had met my mom when he was drumming for a small rock band. His family was very conservative but they apparently welcomed my mom with open arms and accepted me as one of theirs.

My grandmother had different opinions on the matter. There were 2 specific issues that she had; the first was my mothers new man (I guess he just didn't compare to my father in her eyes), the second and more difficult issue was that she had become very attached to having me at their home. After a few years of being my mother, she really wasn't enamored with the idea of my mother reinstating herself as my mother.

Despite all the arguing, I moved back to my mother and new step fathers home and for a few years things continued without too much incident.

A couple of months after my 8th birthday, my step-grandfather was murdered and this had a major impact on my dads (you'll notice that I always refer to my step father as 'dad' and my real father as 'father') state of mind. Years later I was to realise that this horrible incident triggered post traumatic stress in my dad that had been lying under the surface as a carry over from his days in the army. Anyway, home life became a bit difficult as my dads depression escalated, resulting in terrible fights between him and my mother.

Up until this point I had had little or no contact with my father. To this day I am not sure where he was or why he chose to ignore his responsibilities, but ignore them he did and my step dad replaced him as my father figure. As life at home had become very strained I chose to get back in touch with him. What ensued was years of broken promises and disappointments from my father. Oddly however, he assumed a kind of god-like status in my eyes and could do no wrong.

I clearly remember the day that I figured out how to use the situation to my advantage and from then on it really wasn't pretty.....

A brief reprieve...

2005-10-14T19:59:00.000+01:00

I will continue the story, I promise but have to brag out loud about how wonderful my friends are.

Last night a very good friend and his gorgeous and very sweet boyfriend 'popped' over to visit (after flying in from Cuba, traveling on a bus and taking 2 trains in order to do the popping). They're going back to SA tomorrow and had some things to do in London tonight so it was only a brief visit but it was wonderful.

It also served to remind me that I really am blessed with the most remarkable friends, I am clearly also blessed with impeccable taste and modesty too!

We went out for dinner and last night and I showed them around a bit this morning before they had to rush off but it has left both the RO and I feeling all warm and fussy - and we really like it :-)

VP

Bringing up baby (pilot episode - first draft)

2005-10-12T19:47:00.000+01:00

Talking about my mom last night made me think that there might be a bit of a theme developing here that I hadn't considered. My family... For years I have said that really I should write a soap opera, it's that convoluted. As it's clear that there are more than enough of those around, I've decided to do the first draft here, after which I can start considering exactly which gorgeous, nubile young actress will be offered (begged) to play the part of me.

So where to start. I guess the beginning is always a good place so here goes...

I believe that my mom and dad met at high school, although the details of this have always been frustratingly scarce. My father is several years older than my mom but they went to the same school and grew up not far from one another.

My mother was a real looker (still is), 5"9, slender with long flowing hair and green eyes. My dad was uber cool, very artistic and I suspect the dark mysterious type due to his artistic temperament.

Somewhere along the line, they slipped up resulting in a hurried marriage to cover the suspicious little bump that had appeared under my moms tops. I know that it was a slip up and quite hurried because I was born 6 months after they got married.

From what I know it things went pretty well initially (university holidays and a fairly well behaved novelty baby) but after my dad went back to finish his architectural degree, cracks began to show. I believe my father moved out because of something to do with an apple core - obviously that was just a manifestation of other things, but that was the reason cited when I asked. This left my mom in the rather unfortunate position of being young, soon-to-be divorced and baby in tow. She did what I guess many people who like to do if they could and dropped me off with her parents. Little did she know that this decision would be the one that caused her the most pain for years to come.

I believe that mom went off and recaptured her youth (which given her age wasn't hard), leaving me in the excellent care of my grandmother, grandfather and 3 uncles. If my memory serves me correctly, these were the happiest days of my early childhood. I have very fond memories of endless baking episodes and breakfasts on grandads knee. He was the most patient and caring man, and I swear I never heard him raise his voice once.

3 years past and just before my 4th birthday, mom returned with a new fiance in tow....

2005-10-11T21:44:00.000+01:00

My family and I aren't the emotional, touchy feely type (not that I'm knocking that kind at all promise) and we don't speak all that often. Sure we have the odd e-mail going back and forth but it's usually a joke or some kind of inspiration religious type thing that I seldom read anyway.

So when I received an e-mail about my mom from my sister yesterday, I knew that it was something that needed my full attention. It seems that my mom is having a bit of a melt down. She had lost her e-mail inbox along with all the wedding related e-mails, her mom (my gran who has been mentioned in previous posts) is giving her a hard time again and her she's been told that her car is going to blow up on her if she doesn't stop driving it. My sister went on to mention that my mom isn't eating properly again and has reverted back to an old trick of eating a bag of popcorn instead of real food in the evening.

This got me thinking, it's been really easy for us to pass the details of the wedding over to my mom, she loves doing it and always seems to cope so well. Maybe though, we've been a little slack in checking that everything is ok with her and maybe things are going on back home that I should pay more attention to.

So I phoned my mom nice and early this morning to have a little chat. She's ok but I can tell that she's getting stressed about having people (the RO's mom, dad and gran) staying at her house in December. You see, life in SA is expensive and my parents have always spent every cent on their kids. When she got the news about her car, I think it was just the last straw and everything became too much to deal with. After a nice long chat, I think that I managed to help her see what is important and what she really doesn't need to expend any energy on, little steps, little baby steps.

It's so frustrating having my parents struggle back home. Don't get me wrong, I love South Africa and I love being South African even more, but life back home is so difficult. Unless you're especially lucky, every month becomes a magic trick of juggling finances and cutting back on the little luxuries. Hopefully things will get better for all of them soon - I can hope can't I?

On a lighter note, the house is really coming along now. The new windows arrived today (hard wood and beautiful!) and the interior doors upstairs have been expertly hung.

Now for floors, final render, central heating and finishing touches....

Oh and the massive tv has arrived but the poor RO can't play with it until the tv room is finished :-)

VP

BSF*!!!!

2005-10-10T19:00:00.000+01:00

Aaaargh! For a first world country, our bandwidth currently sucks!!

When the RO and I finally took possession of this house, the very first thing that we arranged was for broadband to be installed. Why?? Well because we're nerds and we both suffer from serious withdrawals if we don't have a serious dose of t'internet every night. Work surfing doesn't count, it has to be access from home.

We were really chuffed when they finally activated our line and we set out, in our usual geeky fashion, to get the modem connected and the wireless network up and running. No problem eh?

Except, except!! the bloody line keeps dropping! Every night for the past 5 weeks we have watched in horror as our posts get lost in the ether. Sometime between 6pm and 8pm every evening, the connection gets all dodgy. So why, I hear you ask, don't we just wait until after 8pm? Well, it's about choice you see, I choose to blog before 8pm and by god I expect to be able to!

So after suffering in relative silence (NOT) I decided to bite the bullet and call BT. The only reason I hadn't done it before was because we currently have a 2mb line (a carry over from the old house) and we've been wary of making them aware of our fortune given that we're now further out in a more rural setting.

For once the person on the other end seemed to know what he was doing but after testing the line he admitted that he couldn't find anything obviously wrong with it. Instead he would have to log the problem with their engineer type people so that they can check what the load is like in the area. This can only be bad news for our poor 2mb, we are definitely going to have to downgrade, and we'll probably find that the area is seriously short of bandwidth.

In an ideal world it would mean that they would have to upgrade the line into our little Village, but in the real world, it probably just means that those of us with more than our fair share will have to become one of the many rather than 'of the select few'.

Very selfish of me, but damn I like my bandwidth as it is!!

VP

p.s. VERY sorry about the use of caps and exclamation, it's been one of those days...

*Bloody Shit Fuck - as in, I am very annoyed *grin*

NOT a day of rest...

2005-10-09T17:17:00.000+01:00

Saturday's are quite full for me so I seldom get a chance to get stuck in around the house. The RO enjoys some peace and quiet while I'm out horse riding on Saturday's so he tends to catch up on his gaming which has seriously taken a back seat while the house is being renovated.

In an attempt to speed up the renovation process, the RO and I decided to start stripping wallpaper in what will soon be our bedroom. Thankfully we had previously bought a steamer so the process wasn't as painful as it could have been but it has definitely highlighted our general unfitness (is that a word??). Both of us are now suffering from EDS (excessive decorating strain) and I can only thank my lucky stars that we are able to afford people who can help us.

Hopefully this means that our time in the caravan will soon be coming to an end. With the cold weather starting to set in it really isn't pleasant.

In recognition of the service that the little hovel has provided us, I thought I'd include a picture of it so that you can all send us lots of sympathy :-)

VP

Veering off again...

2005-10-07T18:31:00.000+01:00

I know that there is absolutely no fluid transition from entry to entry, perhaps that will come with time. At the moment I am just writing about things that happen as they happen, especially about people/blogs that have a profound affect.

You may come to realise that I am quite broody at the moment (that's an understatement if ever there was one). Ever since the RO and I set a date for the wedding, my clock has been LOUDLY ticking away in my ear. It's so loud I swear that everyone around me can hear it as well.

As I've mentioned previously I have always liked babies/children and am always awe struck by pregnancy and everything that goes with it. Of course I have always taken it for granted that it would just happen if/when I wanted it to. I have had 'scares' (ok one was a little more than a scare but that's for another post, another time) and I still think that I'll be able to fall pregnant fairly easily.

Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. Sure I have 'intellectually' known that infertility exists and I have heard/seen programs about people who have gone through IVF, but since I don't personally know anyone who has had to go through it (I don't think), I've never really considered the impact that this must have.

Somewhere along the line, I clicked on a link to a blog written by a woman from back home. As is my habit whenever going somewhere new that is recommended by one of the blog writers that I admire, I immediately clicked on the archives and started at the beginning. I'm pretty anal when it comes to these things as I like to know the story from the beginning.

Reading Tersia's story has had such a profound effect on me that I suddenly felt that I had to try and consider what living with infertility must be like. Tersia and other woman like her are quite incredible. I'm not sure where the strength comes from as the stress and continuous financial/emotional pressure that goes hand-in-hand with IVF seems so incredibly intense that I'm convinced I would buckle at the very first hurdle.

All around me (especially in the UK it seems) I see young woman falling prey to the early pregnancy without any real idea of the implications. For these woman having a child so early in life is probably seen (if only initially) as a burden and yet all around the world their are these wonderful people desperate to experience the joy for themselves.

It is incredibly humbling to read a story like Tersia's, it makes me feel like there must be more that we, as woman, can do to support each other. Tersia seems to have a lovely support group of her own through the magic of t'internet, but what of the thousands of others who must feel so alienated and perhaps alien?? when surrounded by others to whom it all just comes so naturally?

Don't think for one minute that I pity Tersia or any of the other brave woman who follow the same difficult path that she did. I don't pity them at all, I do however pity those who condemn the intervention of science to assist. It saddens me that in a society so open and candid in so many ways, the true story behind infertility is hidden behind glossy documentary's and brief news headlines. Nobody speaks of the darkness following a failed cycle (I hope that's the right term?), or of the horror of pregnancy, followed by miscarriage, stillbirth or infant mortality.

Instead we blissfully go through our lives (if we're of the lucky fertile bunch) believing that everything is simple, that pregnancy comes easily and sometimes we aren't as thankful as we should be.

I know it's quite a sweeping generalisation - there are other wonderful, fertile woman out there who are equally supportive as those 'on the inside', but isn't it a pity that they are the exception rather than the norm?

Tersia is one of the lucky one's in the sense that she now has 2 beautiful babies at the end of her long journey. If only everyone could be that fortunate.

VP

Tradition speaks volumes

2005-10-06T17:28:00.000+01:00

I received my first real request today, from a lovely lady named Pat, her comment can be found attached to yesterdays post. It seems Pat is the proud mum of some boys and so has asked for more info about my wedding dress.

Although I would love to relent and post all about it, I'm afraid tradition holds that the groom can't know anything about it and the RO reads my blog, so I'm a little restricted in that department.

I can, however tell you about my second choice, the dress that I very nearly chose - and would have loved had I not seen the other one at the last minute.

The dress was ivory white (just off white but not quite cream) and had a high waist and low scooped Victorian neckline. The dress itself was made out of heavy bridal satin with an overlay of antique lace. It sounds quite busy but it was actually quite understated and very 'Pride & Prejudice-ish', a style that I really love but haven't ever really been able to carry off. Weddings do give you a chance to be all girly though so it was a very difficult decision.

I think the only reason I didn't choose that particular design was because the one I did decide on makes my waist look about this > < big. No really! It's that clever!

I promise to post loads of pictures once the wedding has happened so that you can live vicariously through me Pat :-)

I will happily answer any other questions that you have about the wedding as the RO and I have been partners in all other decisions....

VP

Another ticked item?

2005-10-05T20:11:00.000+01:00

There was one part of my wedding attire that I hadn't found.

I am not a small petite person, nor am I especially lady like. Oh sure, I can dress up and play the part but in my heart of hearts I am a tom boy and I like it that way. So when it came to my choice of outfit for my wedding, my immediate reaction was to go against all tradition and choose something that reflected the me that I'm most comfortable with. Imagine my surprise when EVERYONE reeled at the idea of the bride wearing a tuxedo :-)

So after much thought and deliberation, I conceded that perhaps I should at least try and find something more feminine and perhaps more appropriate. And I'm very glad that I did. Thanks to the help of a good friend, I found something that I felt both comfortable and pretty in.

I did, however want to have something that reflected my personality more accurately, and so I reserved the right to choose any shoes that I wanted. I've been searching high and low and have even gone so far as to buy 2 pairs to choose from. So the decision now lies between wedges or knee high boots.. surely one of these will meet my requirements?

Or will they? I'm not sure..... perhaps I should keep looking just in case.....

Another thing to tick off the list...

2005-10-04T18:37:00.000+01:00

The decision to have our wedding over in South Africa makes a lot of sense both financially and logically. The weather is a bit more predictable and the pound/rand exchange rate is definitely favourable.

Having said that, planning a wedding from thousands of miles away isn't very straight forward so I am very lucky to be blessed with an awesome mother who absolutely loves planning any kind of social get together.

My mom has been wonderful, we made the funds available and explained what we wanted and she has basically taken care of all the details. One of the things that she was taking care of was sending invitations out to all my friends and family in South Africa. When we went over to see them for her 50th birthday in July, I took the hand pressed paper (very eco paper at that) and envelopes and between us we decided on the bits and pieces that were to be added.

It only occurred to me this week that I was responsible for arranging the invitations for everyone on this side of the sea, and I hadn't done it yet! So last night and today was spent putting the invitations together and finding out addresses for everyone that we wanted to invite. Tomorrow, we will post them!

Now that this item can be ticked off the list, I'm ready to tackle all the other little details that we need to see too. I'm accumulating the flight details for everyone who is flying over to SA and trying to help arrange accommodation where necessary. It's kind of like I imagine arranging a school trip is, except without the help of parents and administrators. I can only hope that I don't get it all wrong and land up with half of the guests stranded in Africa without any idea of what it's like.

Wow, the time is really passing fast, soon we will be jetting off to sunny Johannesburg and when we return (to the middle of winter) we will be Mrs & Mr :-)

VP

It's supposed to be he who forgets but..

2005-10-03T20:40:00.000+01:00

I did and now I feel terrible.

The RO and I have several anniversary's and I clean forgot that today is one of them!

Just over 2 years ago today, I started work at what I thought at the time to be a temporary data capturing job. It was intended as a chance for me to take a break from the long hours that I had been putting in for years in South Africa, but instead it became a life changing occurrence.

A few days into the job I was informed that I would be receiving training in the software package that the project centered around. I wasn't too perturbed as I had worked for a software development company prior to that and knew that I could grasp things pretty quickly if I put my mind to it.

On the morning that the training took place I arrived at work expecting a dull and unstimulating experience, instead I was to meet the person that I had been unknowingly been waiting for all my life.

The RO entered the office along with his skanky side kick (another story altogether), looking very suave in a trendy suit with neatly trimmed beard and close cropped hair. He was appealing to look at sure, but it was his conversation that made the first impression last. Admittedly I didn't feel the earth move or see fireworks, but I felt very comfortable around him and looked forward to speaking to him again.

2 years on and I couldn't be happier. All the things that I was sure that I didn't believe in or for that matter want, have happened. We're engaged, in love and (mostly) happily ensconced in our new home.... and about to embark on a whole new chapter in our lives together... watch this space for details on whether we've been successful!

VP

Bloody hell!!

2005-10-03T19:16:00.000+01:00

I was all ready to write a nice long rant about the day and everything at occurred. Instead I have spent the last hour trying to salvage my blog!

My connection dropped halfway through some maintenance and everything disappeared!

Now tea is ready (the RO has been slaving away) and there's no time for anything else. It will all have to wait until tomorrow *sigh*

VP

Tree Felling (the last installment)

2005-10-02T19:45:00.000+01:00

Pictures 340
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

They're gone, they're really all gone!!!

It's incredible how much difference a day makes! :-)

Yay for us....

VP

Tree Felling (part 5)

2005-10-02T19:44:00.000+01:00

Tree Felling 4
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

11:00am (give or take a couple of minutes)

Mr tree felling dude has made quick work of tree number 1....

He is now working his way from the top down.

Tree Felling (part 3)

2005-10-02T19:43:00.000+01:00

10:10am

Moving up the tree with alarming speed and agility given the time of the morning.

Tree Felling (part 2)

2005-10-02T19:42:00.000+01:00

Tree Felling 3
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

On the ground this guy seemed heavy in foot and lacking in any kind of grace. Give him some foot clips and some weird belt type thing and he shimmies like there is no tomorrow!

Tree Felling (part 1)

2005-10-02T19:41:00.000+01:00

Pictures 327
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

At 9:00am this morning, our friends the tree fellers arrived to help us 'deal' with the pesky problem...

This picture was taken at around 09:20.

Tree Felling (part 0)

2005-10-02T19:40:00.000+01:00

Tree Felling 0b
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

This is the view from the bottom right corner of our garden. The RO was kind enough to plonk himself under the tree to give you some idea of the sheer size of the pesky conifers that block out all of our light.

The countdown begins...

2005-10-01T19:00:00.000+01:00

If you've been reading the blog up until now (if you haven't the archive section is on the left :-)) then you'll know that our poor animals have been subjected to a holiday camp while our house is being renovated.

It wasn't an easy decision to let someone else look after them for us but we had to be practical and think of their welfare as well. Hopefully that time will be coming to an end sometime in the not so distant future so that we can introduce the cats to their new home and re-introduce the dogs to their huge toilet (toilet training is still an issue).

Given that the poor babies have been away from home and us for so much of the year, we've decided to employ the services of an Animal Aunt for the 3 weeks that we are in South Africa in December.

It's a fairly expensive decision but one that we both feel will benefit the animals (giving them more time to get used to their home) and us as I really struggle with the concept of them being put back into kennels.

Our dedicated 'Aunty' called to introduce herself today and she is truly lovely. I felt a lot more confident in our decision after speaking to her and it's a real load off my mind that my babies will be looked after in the manner that they are accustomed to.

The bonus is that there will be someone in the house the whole time that we are away which means that we don't have to worry about security either. The RO is a little worried about whether she'll be able to handle the high tech tv system, but I'm confident that he will be able to leave her very detailed instructions.

Only 61 days to go, aren't we lucky :-)

VP

We had pizza!!!!!

2005-09-30T20:47:00.000+01:00

And not just any pizza, we had oven baked pizza, baked in an oven. Our oven! With our electrics!!

yayayayayayayayayay!!!! What more can I say really, the overuse of the humble exclamation should say it all :-).

But of course, this being me and me being a bit of a blabber mouth, I couldn't possibly leave it at that so I'll let you in on a bit more detail...

Today went very well indeed. I decided to stay at home to see if it had any effect on our friend Mr Sparky. It in fact had no effect at all as he didn't turn up until around 4:30 this afternoon, but his side kick did and he worked like a trojan to get everything done. The poor guy slaved all day long and managed to complete around 95% of the work so we now have working sockets, light switches and kitchen appliances.

I set about removing a crappy cupboard in one of the bedrooms and waited for the RO to get home from work. We decided to pop out the the supermarket to stock up on a couple of things (to fill the fridge of course) and get something for tea. Pizza was already on the cards so that part was easy but it quickly became apparent that we are horribly out of practice in the grocery shopping department and we couldn't decide on any other items to bring home (although a small bag of jam donuts was included somewhere along the line). We did land up buying a few other items for the new kitchen, including a new dinner service as we felt that we had to try to do the new cupboards some justice.

The RO is now whiling away the rest of the evening playing Xbox and I'm catching up on all the blogs that I normally read during the day. Finally we're starting to see the light and feel like this 'small' project will be over soon.

Looks like we'll be spending the rest of the week-end packing our temporary kitchen up and transferring our sparse collection of preserved produce into the cupboards.

Its finally starting to feel like home :-)

VP

blah blah blah (again)..

2005-09-29T19:06:00.000+01:00

Same shit different day...

The electricians were here today but they haven't finished the electrics. In fact there are no noticeable changes between what they did today and what was done on Monday and Tuesday. As much as I desperately want to tell them to piss of and never return, it's now reached a point where its just not realistic because we would have to find someone else to come in an finish it off at a point where we are literally days (or day if you're to believe the wanker himself) away from completion. And so we persevere....

Perhaps the most frustrating part (for today anyway) is the fact that the kitchen has been installed and is all but finished, however we can't use any of the appliances because the sockets needed for the fridge, freezer, dishwasher and oven haven't been attached!!

So here we are, still sitting in a house with only a few working sockets and lights in the half of the house that need it least!

To top this all off, I am pre-menstrual (actually post menstrual but its all running into one) and feel like I'm coming down with something which is bound to be god-awful because there is nowhere to relax.

I think I may stay at home tomorrow so that I can oversee whatever it is that the electricians claim to do and find out for myself whether they're really doing what they claim to be doing.

A small upside is that all that most of the revolting pink render has now been removed (I know that this will warm Zinnia's heart) and has been replaced with some rather ominous looking dark brown substance. I'm hoping that this will eventually land up being a nice warm creamy colour as I'm not sure I'm up for living in a prison.

In an attempt to lighten the mood of this oh so pessimistic post, I'd really like to welcome a new commenter, she's funny, articulate and more importantly, she's a fellow Gautenger! For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it simply means that she comes from the same province in South Africa as I do and you can catch up with her at this spot. Hello Red, you're welcome anytime :-)

VP

Our resident poltergeist...

2005-09-28T19:36:00.000+01:00

Over the last few nights we have been experiencing something rather strange. Every time one of us has a shower or bath, we hear a door slamming. The weird thing is that there is only 1 door still on its hinges inside and that door (when checked) is standing open!

I think that we may have a former resident 'hanging' out in the house and I'm not sure whether its the concept of indoor bathing that annoys them or that they're just as pissed off about the lack of electrics as we are :-)

Perhaps we could strike a deal with our new friend and have them visit the sparky at his home. Nothing else seems to spur him into action so I'm willing to try anything.

Of course I'm not sure what my part of the deal would be as I'm rather attached to my soul and I don't have much else that could be of value on the other side!

Any chance one of you partakes in communications on the other side?

VP

Old part of the House

2005-09-27T20:17:00.000+01:00

Old part of the House
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

The last one for the evening, one day the house will be white instead of pink (despite the naighbours wanting it to stay as is)..

Since I..

2005-09-27T20:16:00.000+01:00

Horrible Porch
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

Can't seem to get flickr to agree with me on anything, I'll have to post the pictures seperately for the moment.

Dining Room

2005-09-27T20:15:00.000+01:00

Dining Room
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

Zinnia showed some interest in the picture of the house so I thought I'd include a few more for your viewing fun... (of course we're hoping to receive a HUGE amount of sympathy in return :-) )

Another Monday...

2005-09-27T19:37:00.000+01:00

Yip you read that right, today felt just like another blue Monday! We are all sorts of havoc going on in the work place. The kind of stress that reminds me exactly why I enjoy doing what I do!

The day started out much like any other (except that I had read way past my bedtime thus waking up somewhat grumpier than usual) however soon took a frustrating dive when the kitchen installer informed us that there was a problem with the work tops. He was worried that if he installed the solid wood worktops in our partially finished house, that they would buckle and warp due to the cold and damp. Many minutes of aggravated huffing and puffing passed before common sense prevailed. We have acquired a few oil heaters which are now stationed in and around the kitchen to ensure that it stays warm and dry. If only we were allowed to actually wake up before being faced with such things!

Things have improved steadily though, the kitchen is almost done! Initially we thought we'd have to wait for it to be finished completely until after the fitter came back from holiday in 3 weeks, but it turns out things have run smoother than planned and he's ahead of schedule. We deserve a little bit of good news.

We also have partial electrics (clearly just enough to keep the sparky on the inside) with lights in half of the house and one rooms worth of sockets. Hence the ability to power energy sucking heat generators :-)

May I take a moment, before running off to make our yummy meal for the evening (spaghetti and toast) to thank a fellow blogger for being t'internets angel, Zinnia of Real E Fun fame. She's witty, talented and very funny and you're missing a whole bunch by not visiting her regularly.

We could do with more of her kind so take some notes!!

VP

Monday bollocks!!!

2005-09-26T19:21:00.000+01:00

Okay so thats cussing, but its not where I come from :-)

I can hear you asking... what happened today??? Did I get to fire the electrician? Sadly, no. Mainly because he decided to send his lacky to continue with the work instead of coming himself. The poor guy was just as furious as I was and went about his work very quietly.

Apparently the wanker (excuse the french) of an electrician has promised to come back tomorrow to finish everything. The agreement is that if we have full electrics by tomorrow evening then we'll pay him what its been worth (NOT what he quoted) and leave it at that. If however he doesn't complete it then he WILL be fired and the body that he is contracted with will be informed. *sigh* it was a bit of an anticlimax.

In case you were wondering what the house looks like, this is a picture of it from the top of the property. The pink render is (as you can see) in the process of being removed. Hopefully this will be completed sometime soon as its quite sad to see the poor house in such a state of undress.

VP

Its been a long time coming...

2005-09-25T20:37:00.000+01:00

They may have promised that the electrics would be finished by the end of today, but (and its a big but) our friends the electricians didn't arrive this week-end at all.

The RO and I have deliberated and decided that enough is enough. Tomorrow they will be fired! It's a difficult decision because it's going to mean that we have to find someone else to finish the job off and we'll probably be without electrics a while longer. The thing is that now it's a matter of principle and we simply cannot let them continue to treat us with such disdain.

The plan is as follows, tomorrow I will get in touch with the NICEIC (the body that regulates electricians in Britain) and look for someone else who covers our area. We will then ask them to evaluate the work that has been done and give us a value. Once we know the value of the work that they have done, we will be able to calculate what they have cost us in terms of delays and pay them the balance. Over and above this, I will also be writing a letter of complaint to the NICEIC in the hope that they will take some kind of action as well.

I really don't like taking this action but they really haven't left us with any other choice. They have systematically lied and deliberately dismissed all agreements that we have come to. I believe that we have been more than reasonable so I'm comfortable that we're doing the right thing.

On a more encouraging note, the kitchen starts getting installed tomorrow so by the end of next week, our lives should start getting a whole lot easier. We spent the day preparing the kitchen for the installers arrival and have painted all the (newly plastered) walls cornflower blue in keeping with the age of the house.

The RO is currently taking some before photos in preparation for a big post to come :-)

VP

By jove I think she's got it..

2005-09-23T20:16:00.000+01:00

Today was a really good day in work terms (and other terms to but I'll start with work). Oddly over the last decade I have somehow managed to avoid ever having to do a mail merge. There has always been someone that is better at it or who's job its been to mass mail on my behalf.

Today though, I had to bite the bullet and figure out exactly how to e-mail our entire client base with some critical information. As there was nobody around to advise me on the best course of action, I decided to go where no sane person has gone before, I referred to the Microsoft Help, and you know what?? It WORKED!! Not only that, it WORKED FIRST TIME!!

I'm so excited, well done MS, for once, you ROCK!!!

(Sorry about all the shouting and !!!'s but this cannot be helped :-)

In more fabulous news, the electrics will be finished this week-end and we have bought all our new lighting.

Rain aside, this has been a great start to the week-end.

As an aside, I hope that Hurricane Rita doesn't cause anyone too much trouble. I hope that everyone in its path stays safe and sound.

VP

So when is it cussing??

2005-09-22T19:34:00.000+01:00

I'm afraid I am foul! Not in the smelly sense but I'm foul mouthed. I can't help it. There are very few situations that don't call for some kind of colourful language. Baring this in mind, perhaps someone can help with a little difference in opinion that the RO and I are having?

Despite my cussing nature I once commented on the fact that the word 'Bitch' is not censored on British radio. The thing is, I know when my swearing is unacceptable (i.e. in front of children, the elderly and my parents-in-law) so when I hear 'Bitch' at 08:15am in the morning, I get confused - how can 'Bitch' be ok but 'Arse' be a problem? So, I asked the fountain of all knowledge, the knower of all random facts, the RO. He patiently explained that 'Bitch' is perfectly acceptable as its true definition is, 'a female dog'. Fair enough, makes sense. So where I hear you ask, does the difference of opinion come into it?

Good question, you see, this afternoon, on the way home we heard some new random track on the radio (admittedly it was pretty awful) in which the lyrics, 'my left tit' are clearly and proudly spoken in the way that only truly disturbed gangsta type people can speak them - to music-ish. The RO was surprised and a little shocked that 'Tit' was not censored. I, in my infinite ignorance proposed the idea that a 'Tit' is in fact a bird and therefore when the same logic as is used for 'Bitch' is applied to 'Tit', surely this makes it acceptable?

The RO disagrees, he thinks that they aren't the same thing because the word 'Bitch' even when used as a description for a person rather than a dog, is still defined as a female dog (I hope he never calls me one then), however a 'Tit' is really only a trendy (and slightly insulting) name for a breast.

I'm not sure, I lost concentration around the 4th time the word 'Bitch' was mentioned in the conversation but at least I've managed to incorporate both 'Bitch' and 'Tit' in a post that doesn't apply these nasty little labels to anyone specific! (sooooooo proud!)

So, any ideas? Comments? Insults? Bring them on ... I need the visitors :-)

VP

oooh oooh oooooh

2005-09-21T19:22:00.000+01:00

One more thing, the builders seem to have pulled finger!!! We have ceilings :-)

VP

2005-09-21T19:08:00.000+01:00

I am a serial face puller. If I'd grown up in Britain I reckon I'd have been one of those annoying young people (not necessarily my opinion but one I've heard mentioned) stage school kids. If I'd been in a country where it was viable, I'd have tried out for all the kids shows - Blue Peter seems to be the one that I'd have enjoyed the most.

Until I met the RO, I don't think anyone ever got this particularly childish sense of humour. Those who laughed were probably laughing at, but definitely not with me. The RO definitely gets it though. We have this terrible habit of choosing the most inappropriate places to let our inner children loose.

The best example is the bank. The RO and I have recently purchased a house together and we have spent a fair amount of time 'visiting' with our mortgage advisor. She's a lovely young lady however all bankers seem to be so serious about the job that they do. Don't get me wrong, there are some subjects that must be treated with tact and diplomacy but the whole process of borrowing large sums of money is scary enough without treating everyone with kid gloves.

Our way of diffusing the stoic atmosphere is to wait until the banker leaves the little room (usually to copy a document for the 20th time) before beginning the poking game. Initially all involved parties must try and restrain the giggles, allow the hysteria to build.. The appropriate time to burst out laughing is as the said banker returns..

Trust me, it makes life MUCH more interesting :-)

VP

This could get interesting..

2005-09-20T19:03:00.000+01:00

So the builders didn't arrive again today. Surprised? I'm not, this seems to be a trend. Its getting difficult to even get angry at them anymore because it is impossible to remain angry for extended periods of time.

Everything is in a state of disrepair. The electrics hasn't been completed so 5 weeks later we're still using one socket. The plastering is only half way and the render hasn't even been completely removed yet. Despite all of this they have promised that at the end of the week after next (2.5 weeks away) we will have 2 new layers of seal on the sandstone, new windows, new lentels and completed plaster. I'm not convinced.

Instead I am now going to start deducting from the final amount that I will pay. I will take into account all the costs incurred by their not meeting their requirements. They can chose to take me to court if they feel the need - although I doubt they will, as this would involve some commitment on their part.

I do wish that someone, somewhere would take the initiative and start a company that would act as an agency to the independant building tradesman in the UK. Someone with high expectations that would provide a standard of service and some kind of control over the projects that builders take on. Given the number of tradesman in the UK, there would never be a shortage and a simple matter of no service, no work would surely sort out the problem?

I guess my frustration stems from my inability to really do anything. Sure, we could cut our losses and get someone else on the job, but would this really improve anything? Or would it simply be a matter of the devil that we don't know?

*sigh* I'm tired of ranting, and tired of living in a building site.

I really am a pretty optimistic person by nature, no really I am!

VP

It must be tiring...

2005-09-19T17:42:00.000+01:00

to live with me sometimes. I like to rant you see, and I simple can't help it. I could blame my good old South African upbringing but that would be a terrible cop out and I'm not one for blaming the circumstances.

Take today for example, without letting too much work related stuff out (Dooce has taught us all to well) suffice to say that there is a history of apathy with one of my colleagues and today it came to a head during a discussion that I was having. Things got quite heated at one point, I can't help it, I have to get all my issues off my chest.

So that's where it started and the poor old RO got the full rendition as soon as he came out of his all important meeting. I moaned and complained for at least an hour and he was surely relieved when I eventually gave it a rest at around lunch time.

The day progressed without too many major rants until our drive home, when the RO in passing mentioned something about our proposed plans for the new building that we'll (hopefully) be moving too late next year. This spurned off a whole new rant along the lines of the general narrow minded approach that is being used.

I guess its just that I truly believe that when we graduate from our student years and enter the work place that we all have something constructive to contribute and it frustrates me when the lowly employees aren't given the opportunity to discuss/deliberate their opinions on changes that will affect their daily working lives!

Granted its early days yet and its possible that everyone will be given the chance to contribute but I like to discuss these things so that its clear to me what my opinion will be :-)

Pity the poor RO though as its not a very English trait and must be quite annoying at times.

**must work on curbing the rants occasionally**

VP

Holiday break..

2005-09-18T10:25:00.000+01:00

So last week the RO and I made the tortured decision to put the boys (Zulu and Gamba) back into the kennels. They've been home for about 2 months now and if everything had gone according to plan we would have been in the final stages of decoration now and there would have been no problem. Unfortunately in the real world, renovations seldom follow the planned timetable and our circumstance is no different.

So, after much deliberation we decided that it wasn't fair to the boys that they have to be cooped up in the run during the day and confined to one room with us in the evenings and got in touch with the lovely kennels down the road from us. They owner very kindly juggled things around so that she could take the dogs in (its a very popular kennel), which we are extremely appreciative about.

So this morning we packed up their goodies (treats, blankets etc), loaded the boys into the car and delivered them to their holiday spot. I hate doing it and I get quite chocked up about it but I truly thing its the best thing for the moment.

This means of course that the RO and I now have no excuses not to get stuck in on the things that we can do. We'll have more time in the evenings and plenty of time over the week-ends so hopefully we can get ahead of the schedule in some areas.

today's task is to finish the bathroom up by painting the walls and installing the shaving mirror and other accessories. At least once this is done we can say that 1 room has been completed.

The aim is to have the upstairs areas ready for carpets and painting by the end of next week so that we can move into the one bedroom and bring the cats home to the spare room.

Hopefully we'll both feel much better about the whole process once we've got some control of elements of it.

Big things are coming over the next 2-3 weeks, the kitchen is being installed, the new windows are going in and the render will be replaced... YAY!!! Here's hoping that for once things will go according to schedule.

Fingers crossed!!

VP

Green wonder

2005-09-16T19:00:00.000+01:00

Green wonder
Originally uploaded by Sid and the pig.

Last year the RO and I decided to invest in a good digital camera. Despite having taken hundreds of pictures, its clear that I still need some practice....

I'm hoping to take some pictures similar to this one that I will frame and use in some of the rooms to set the tone for the colours. I love green and I think that I may make it the accent colour in the guest bedroom.

This was one of the first pictures that took with the additional lense that we bought when we were in New York. Its incredible at picking up even the most minute detail...

On another note, my new laptop finally arrived today (hence the sudden flurry of uploading pictures etc) and it is gorgeous!!

I bought the Dell XPS which is essentially a gamers laptop so the graphics card and sound card are both awesome. Once the house is under some control, I will invest in a couple of games to keep me entertained whilst the RO plays on his xbox.

This week-end will be all about starting (and in one instance finishing) the decorating upstairs. We will be stripping wallpaper in both of the bedrooms and the landing upstairs. If we're lucky we may even get to do a single base coat of white paint on the walls.

I am hoping to finish the bathroom of this week-end as well although all that needs doing in there is a fresh coat of paint on the old walls and ceiling. At least that will be one room that is on its way to completion (it will still need lights, if the electricians ever decide to come back and finish second fix).

Hopefully the weather holds out so that we can give the dogs some quality play time in the garden ahead of their trip to the kennels.

Thats all for now, although I suspect playing on the lappie will prove irresistable meaning that I'll probably be back sooner rather than later :-)

VP

Messenger madness

2005-09-14T14:16:00.000+01:00

For the purpose of this post, there are a couple of things that you need to know:

1) MSN Messenger is an instant message system that allows you to chat to people with
immediate response
2) BGA is my very best (gay) friend in the whole world
3) A Faghag is a gay mans female friend

So onto the fun that was my conversation with BGA yesterday....

[BGA] well less than 1 hour to go... then home, doll myself up and then off for a big snog !!!!
[Alley] aw bless
[Alley] are you taking an overnight bag this time?
[BGA] no.. I need to come home.. I have work in the morning.
[Alley] is it to far to commute in the morning?
[BGA] not at all... I just can't sleep with someone in the same bed.. last 2 times I spent the whole night laying there....
[Alley] hehehehehe well that will have to change if this starts getting more permanent
[BGA] Only problem is I can't drink...
[Alley] what you want is to invest in a King size bed
[BGA] but if I do give in, I will just leave at 6.30 or some crazy horrible hour and come home and get ready...
[Alley] and of course the BIG question is - does he know about ME?
[Alley] *grin*
[BGA] you?
[BGA] in what way?
[Alley] yeh, I'll know he's very important when you start to tell him about me - your best friend in the whole wide world
[Alley] just kidding
[BGA] Erm... I have mentioned you...
[BGA] and I spoke to you on the phone the other night from his house
[Alley] well of course YOU are always mentioned right off the bat because no Al, no nooky!
[BGA] while he was having a ciggy
[Alley] I was kidding though
[BGA] yeah
[BGA] so am I
[Alley] hehehe
[BGA] no al, no nooky...
[BGA] LOL
[Alley] hehehehehehe
[BGA] I like that...
[Alley] bwahahahahaha
[BGA] well... think of it this way...
[Alley] what can I say? I come with baggage
[BGA] you will be the first one of my friends he will meet..
[BGA] and visa versa
[BGA] LOL
[BGA] yes... big baggage..
[Alley] oh the pressure!
[BGA] Oh no... pressure is worrying about my fag hag getting on with his fag hag...
[BGA] screw the parents... LOL
[Alley] LOLOLOL!!
[Alley] the modern world
[BGA] buwuahahahahahahhaha
[BGA] that is quite funny.... laughing at my own jokes...
[BGA] I'll have to tell him that tonight...

hehehehe
VP

When they mess with genius...

2005-09-13T22:18:00.000+01:00

So I'll admit it, I'm a CSI junkie. I love the escapism that good tv provides and I choose the hours that I spend in front of the tv very carefully. Well maybe not that carefully but I'm still pretty picky about the standards that I come to expect. CSI - Las Vegas is the best of the bunch, and CSI - New York is pretty good too but I've always had a bit of a problem with the Miami series because it always seemed to miss the point however some episodes provide good entertainment so I've persevered (even though Horatio really is a bit odd). That is, until tonight's episode...

Allow me to set the scene... Miami and there is a tsunami coming (as if that's not strange enough), and there is a bank heist. The robbers use the tsunami to carry a huge bag of gold bullion out to sea... Are you with me so far? As if this plot wasn't weak enough, you now add Horatio's latest heroic act of driving into a building that has been armed with explosives to be raised to the ground... Apparently in Miami when a building is rigged in this way, they use a timing device as a detonator - fair enough - however they have no way of overriding the explosion!!! So Horation in all his glory drives into the building to save a hostage with 2 minutes left on the clock, then drives out through the building as the explosions start going off!

Now you might find this silly but I've come to expect a certain level of plausibility for CSI and I find it annoying that Mr. Bruckheimer can't come up with something a little more believable. If this is what we should expect from the new series, then I guess I'll be watching one less series!!

And now that I have finished with this completely useless rant, I'll be going to bed - in the caravan - in the garden - of our partially renovated house *sigh* so much for escapism :-)

VP

Restoration is bad for your health..

2005-09-12T21:25:00.000+01:00

Its true that we're going through this phase of renovation because it will benefit us in the long run but boy is it a challenge!

Builders aside (they're the obvious health risk), there are many other nasty effects that living on a building site has, not least of which building dust!!

You breath it which, lets face it, can't be good for you whichever way you look at. You touch it, and it sucks all the moisture out of your skin and it gets everywhere, so even my hair feels like kindling!

Its not that I can't handle the disruption - I can even if it does make me a bit irritable at times. But I cannot wait for the day when we come home and it looks like something has been added to the house rather than taken away. We're at that awful stage where everything that the builders have to do involves ripping something down or breaking something up, so every day we come home to yet another layer of dust and yet another gaping hole in the ceiling/wall/floor. No matter how much you sweep, it's impossible to keep on top of and eventually you just resign yourself to another day in the dust.

Hopefully this week is the last of the seriously messy jobs, the builders start plastering and (hopefully) repairing the ceilings and then we're onto the cleaner stuff - installing the kitchen being the biggest job of all.

I'm holding on for the end of the week and hopefully we'll be in for some good luck for a change.

VP

No...

2005-09-11T18:34:00.000+01:00

news just stiff, more tomorrow hopefully!

VP

These are a few of my favourite things..

2005-09-10T19:31:00.000+01:00

Its been a good day all round, lots of pleasant things (and only a few mildly unpleasant ones). None of them amount to one good post so I'll build one from the little bits and pieces:

8:30am - The electricians kept to their word and arrived early to continue with the first fix. Despite having to get up early to let them into the house, this was a good start to the day.
10:00am - Watched the first of the new series of Dick and Dom in the Bungalow. Call me strange but I find it very entertaining!
1:00pm - Horse riding lessons. This is one of my favourite times of the week, an hour and a half of riding no matter what the weather brings.
4:00pm - My first viewing of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - which is just lovely and I'm really glad that the RO finally convinced me to watch it.

The not so pleasant things which didn't really have much impact:

Having to stick my hand down the outside drain to pull out all the building material that had blocked it up.
Chasing the little rats around the neighbours yard, trying to get them to come home. Its a bit like herding cats and something I usually get very irritated about but they seemed to get the message fairly quickly.

Its normal days like this that remind me of how lucky I am. The big moments are always welcome but they shouldn't be expected and the same applies to the days when nothing seems to go right. These extremities don't make up the bulk of life so when I find that the day has passed and although tired at the end of it, I'm still perfectly content, then I know that all is well.

Mama in training

2005-09-09T19:24:00.000+01:00

I have been broody for as long as I can remember. I haven't always been keen on the idea of marriage (although within a month of meeting the RO, I was without a doubt that he was the one) but I have always been drawn to babies and children. I have spent a lot of time around kids in my 29 years, being the oldest of 4 with my younger siblings 12 and 13 years younger than me meant that nappies, bottles and colic were all part of my early teenage years.

As I've got older some of my friends have started having children and in one instance I was even at the birth. That being said, nothing really prepares you for the reality of becoming a new parent - books don't even begin to cover the true trials and tribulations of parenthood. A simple search on Amazon yields a massive amount of literature on the subject of pregnancy and motherhood but its all awfully scientific or subjective and I suspect that there are very few authors who provide any real preparation.

I had resigned myself to the fact that I would have to find it all out as I went along and I still had some romantic notions about what parenthood really is like, until that is I discovered the mummy bloggers. Its through reading the everyday experiences of all the mothers out there that I have come to have a clearer idea of what its really like. All the things that our mothers/sisters/friends don't tell us for fear of appearing out of control or of putting us off children forever is beautifully reproduced in an easy (and sometimes highly emotional) manner. I have read so many entries dedicated to the subject that I am completely hooked and although I'm now a little more aware of the ups and downs, I do feel more armed with the gritty details that will help the RO and I decide when the right time will be.

Its true that I can't wait to start a family and I love the idea of keeping a journal of events that can be read and reflected on later in life, but I'm also more aware than ever that both the RO and I are still parents in training and that we've still a way to go yet before we can seriously add to our family.

That being said however, its great fun practicing!

VP

It might be situational

2005-09-08T19:19:00.000+01:00

But we have the funniest receptionist at our company, she really does epitomise every blonde joke around. She is however quite witty and today's situation brought it out in her.

The building that we work in is a serviced building that houses many small companies with shared air conditioning. One of the empty offices (all locked up with nobody in it) sprung a pretty serious leak in the ceiling which of course skipped everyone's notice, until that is the water started to pore through the ceiling of one of the adjacent (occupied offices). When it was opened up, several buckets (or dustbins) were placed under the deluge to try and minimise the damage while they waited for the handyman to arrive.

When we noticed that the buckets were about to overflow we went down to reception to let them know. M (the more senior of the receptionists) told Ms Blondie to upstairs and change the buckets around. As she was walking up the stairs, M jokingly asked her if she had her wellies ready and the RO added that she should probably take an umbrella along too. Ms. Blonde turned and with perfect comedy timing (aided by the look of terror on her face) said, 'But I can't swim!'. This really cracked me up and was made even funnier when we returned to find that she hadn't changed the buckets around because she said that the bucket was too full and she couldn't move it without the water overflowing. Instead she had left it overflow as this was clearly the better option!

Genius, you just can't make this stuff up!

VP

My very own heavy

2005-09-07T19:20:00.000+01:00

Yip, that's me. (I'm thinking of hiring myself out so if you have hassles with builders, let me know).

The electricians finally decided to grace me with a phone call today, two and a half weeks later. They agreed to meet the RO and I at the house this evening to explain where they'd been and why they hadn't finished the first fix as promised 3 week-ends ago.

My intention was to do the whole shout and scream thing in the hope that it would have some impact but when both of them appeared looking very sheepish, I changed tact. Instead, I spoke calmly and firmly and explained my disappointment. I pointed out that the impression that they had left was that they had taken our money and done a runner and this was compounded by their inability to return any of the many messages that I had left.

I think it may have been the threat to report them to the NICEIC (the electricians equivalent of CORGI) that finally prompted them to get in touch and we have a result! They have made a commitment to have the first fix finished by Sunday (they will have to work through the week-end to achieve this), they will have the second fix finished by the end of next week AND they will reimburse us for all of the costs that we have incurred as a result of the delay. The total amount that we will deduct from their final fee amounts to around £500 and I hope that this will have an impact where words don't.

In more good news, the bathroom has been finished beautifully by Dolphin and is one project that we no longer have to worry about (its also one less workman to have on the property).

New rule though - no builders will be allowed to use the new bathroom, they will instead be relegated to the downstairs toilet which is starting to resemble a public urinal, both in looks and odours *yuck*! The RO and I on the other hand will languish in the luxury of a professionally installed bathroom and we will do so in style!!

YAY for good news I say :-)

VP

p.s. a big thank-you to Zinnia for being the first person to leave me a real live comment, you're the first and you're a star!!

The Queen of Unreasonable..

2005-09-06T18:18:00.000+01:00

So its been a difficult day (surprise surprise), fraught with highly charged emotion and some hysterics. Its weird that using this blog to reflect on my days means that I am forced to acknowledge that I can be quite a difficult person. Oh well, such is the path that I have chosen *grin*.

The electricians are still MIA and I'm not to sure what to do about it. There are only so many messages that can be left on various answering machines before it all becomes a bit ridiculous. So now we have to decide, do we bite the bullet and assume that they will not be back (and we'll either have to write off the £800 they've already taken or try and get it back through some other means) or do we hire a couple of heavies to convince them that this job is important to them? hmmm tough choice, it'll have to be the heavies!

In addition to this, my attempt to buy a new laptop from Dell is proving to be very taxing. They seem to have a black hole around the point that their fax machine spouts out its offerings. Either that or they have decided that I am the lucky customer who will have to fax all the documentation through for a 4th time! Its my own fault I guess, Dell has a reputation for being pretty crap in everything other than the actual technology. They do however offer great finance options and the laptop is really cool!

I do find myself wondering whether I'm playing a lead role is some weird reality show at the moment, one where the directors decide to throw as many trying scenarios my way as they possibly can and I try mydamnedestt not to completely fall to pieces! Things will improve I'm sure and this will all form part of the 'remember when' memories that we will lovingly re-hash at every dinner party that we hold in our new home.

VP

Blogging moms

2005-09-05T18:59:00.000+01:00

I made another delightful find today thanks to Zoe. One of the links from her blog is the lovely Mindy who has a delightful (and sometimes sad) blog almost entirely dedicated to her 3 delightful children.

The dedication that moms like Mindy, Zoe and Dooce show to their blogs is truly amazing given the amount of time that it takes to update regularly, let alone when you have some small people in tow. Dooce's monthly letter to her daughter is both delightful and poignant and often leaves me with a lump in my throat.

My mom and I have had a difficult past and although things have improved vastly as I've grown up and she has mellowed, I can't help wishing that there was some written representation of the joys and difficulties that being a parent brings. Perhaps this new type of visible journal will provide insight into the relationships that parents have with there children that can be read (with some embarrassment) and appreciated in later years.

I love reading about the everyday trials and tribulations that all of these remarkable moms (and dads) deal with and they are the blogs that I return to time and time again. Even though I have never met any of these people, I do find myself experiencing a whole range of emotions as I watch their lives develop and blossom.

When the RO and I start our family in the near future, I hope that we too will be able to put our experiences into words that our children will one day look back at - if only to provide a window into the minds of their parents as 'real people'.

VP

Family Matters

2005-09-04T19:52:00.000+01:00

Today has been a lovely day. The RO and I decided to take advantage of the unusually lovely weather to take a drive across country with some friends to see the town that the Bronte sisters (Emily, Charlotte, Anne etc) grew up in. Its one of the lovely advantages of living in a country with such a diverse literary history.

On the way back, my grandmother called from SA but as I was driving at the time, I said that I'd call her when I got home. I've just finished with that call and as always I am frustrated by the family dramas that are common place back home in South Africa.

There have always been a large number of historical and emotional issues between my mother and her mom and it rears its ugly head from time to time. My grandmother and I have a fantastic relationship and it seems that nowadays I am the only person still capable of speaking to her without it becoming an emotional disaster.

I worry about her a great deal. My grandfather died a few years ago and I don't think that my gran has found her feet since. I feel that she is suffering from depression and, given that I am thousands of miles away, its becoming increasingly difficult to try and provide support for her.

I cannot begin to imagine what it must mean to lose your partner of so many years. I wish that she could find some inner peace so that she can start to enjoy what remains of her life. Also, I wish that the rest of the family can find a way to provide the support that she needs without it becoming a battle.

I strongly believe that we should treat our parents with love and tolerance, even if that means that we have to swallow our pride occasionally. I have tried to keep the peace between all of them and to point out that everyone's life would be a lot easier if they stopped acting like enemies. It seems to me that it takes less effort to not be drawn into petty arguments than it does to try and repair the emotional damage that occurs every time they allow their tempers to get the better of them.

Hopefully, with the help of my uncles, we will be able to find the right solution which will help my gran to get her joy for life back.

To all of you who suffer from depression, I hope that you too find the best path back to emotional peace.

VP

Body Maintenance...

2005-09-03T18:52:00.000+01:00

**System Notice**
Plumbing will be unavailable for the next 3-4 days due to monthly maintenance. Management will take no responsibility for the actions of other body parts during this time.

Sometimes you just have to love the whole PMS thing. As I'm a pretty optimistic kind of girl most of the month, I really struggle with the whole emotional, unstable thing that comes with still having functioning plumbing. Occasional though it works in my favour and today was a perfect example of it.

Those of you in the UK will know who I'm referring to when I talk about a 'large computer store chain' but for those of you who don't know, suffice to say that they're are an extremely overpriced consumer nightmare especially as they claim to be computer experts. Unfortunately there are times when the RO and I have to bite the bullet and patronise their service as we're the impatient type and when we need a cable, we need it now.

So this morning I forced myself to cross the threshold into PC hell and rather than wandering the isles aimlessly, headed straight for the 3 'assistants' who were propping up the counter in a very unproductive manner. All I asked was for someone to show me the isles where they housed the firewires, the rest of the conversation went something like this:

Salesperson 1: "Erm ok I'll take you."
Salesperson 2: "Nah, I'll take you."
Salesperson 2 (to Salesperson 3): "Maybe you should take her, it'll give you something to do."
Me (in full PMS mode): "I don't care which one of you do it, just decide and do it!"
Salesperson 3 (to salesperson's 1 & 2): "Erm, what's a firewire?"
Me (now suitably annoyed): " Just show me where the cables are kept, I know what I'm looking for."
Salesperson 3: "Oh, I was just kidding."
Me: "that's the problem with this place, I wouldn't be able to tell as you never know what you're talking about."

Thank-you PMS for finally giving me the perfect opportunity to say what has to be said, without months of guilt!!

So those of you suffering now, rest assured that there really is a silver lining!

VP

News...

2005-09-02T18:43:00.000+01:00

Has been grim today. RO and I have been following the online records of people still inside New Orleans as well as others who have lost everything in the disaster.

There has been excellent coverage here and a truly heartbreaking fellow blogger here. I am both in awe of their abilities to write their experiences and saddened by the circumstances that they're writing in.

I have never been a fan of Bush or his governing style, but this is one time when I don't believe politics comes into it. Why has the aid taken so long? Where are the back-up law enforcement officers? I have no sympathy for those looters who have stolen for the sole purpose of selling but what about those desperate about the lack of water, food and clothing? There are children, the elderly and the sick to think of and surely any one of us would find these things if they were needed but not being provided. I struggle to go a few hours without food and water - I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to be forced to do so for 3-5 days! Bush is heavily religious and yet I don't see his compassion when he speaks. The mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, on the other hand is clearly devastated by the devastation of the city and the people and the passion that he feels is obvious.

I'st true that pointing fingers and making judgments doesn't help the situation, but perhaps it's time people started to voice their true feelings about the state of a wealthy nation that cannot provide for its own people in a time of need.

I guess it's easy to sit across the sea and judge when I don't have to make the decisions that affect so many people. Maybe I wouldn't do a better job, maybe nobody could but like to think that I would feel the impact and that that feeling would show.

I can only hope that now that aid is finally starting to arrive, that it gets to the people and places that need it most and that the people affected by this tragedy will get the opportunity to rebuild their lives in a positive manner.

Our love and best wishes to everyone who has felt the devastation and has had to deal with the results of it.

VP

Happy Autumn Day!!

2005-09-01T18:32:00.000+01:00

Or more importantly, happy Spring Day to my family back home (and everyone else in the Southern Hemisphere of course).

Its been an interesting day in terms of work stuff, having been party to a particularly productive meeting with RO and some other important people. Unfortunately the day was tainted by the discovery that an acquaintance who had chosen to let me in on a sordid secret a few months ago, has placed herself back in a rather tenuous position with said secret.

You see the man that she is involved with is a work colleague, a married with kids one at that! Their affair has been going for many years already and when she told me about it, I was shocked to discover that I know him too! I'm not a prude by any means but I don't believe that there is any excuse for extra marital affairs, especially when the excuse for staying in the marriage is religion! I can't get my head around this, how can one say that they are too religious to get a divorce but not religious enough to feel that an affair is wrong? Surely this is illogical even to the most simple minded individual? Part of me feels very sorry for her as she clearly loves the man dearly and dreads being parted from him, but surely after years of secrets and lies you have to realise that things will never be normal?

I guess my frustration with her stems from being around when the affair last 'ended'. She was devastated because he said that he couldn't stand the guilt any longer. Not 3 months later however, he seems to that guilt under control. They've left for a long week-end in the Lake District today and I can't help wondering what kind of lies have been spun to the wife to get time away over the week-end.

I may be over simplistic but if you can't share the love that you have for someone with anyone that you choose then what is the point? Secrets of this magnitude must surely take over every element of your life until its no longer recognisable. Perhaps this is why she chose to let me in on the secret, so that there was someone who she could share it with.

I hope that it all turns out alright, although the reality is that regardless of the outcome someone will be hurt and I doubt that it'll be pretty.

VP

Building updates:

None to speak of - builders return from holiday on Monday, more details then...

So this is how it starts..

2005-08-31T19:02:00.000+01:00

This whole blogging thing is highly addictive. Having spent loads of time reading other people's entries, I am always amazed at the dedication that they show in trying to ensure that there is at least an entry a week. Here I am not even a week into the process and already I'm not sure what to write about.

Perhaps the biggest problem that I face is that I'm not sure that my writing ability is even remotely up to the task. There is a certain glibness that my favourites achieve that leaves me in awe of their obvious literal abilities and yet here I am struggling to string a decent sentence together.

In light of the above I have decided to not try to hard but rather to use this as an outlet for things that annoy or amuse me, the former I have clearly achieved (see yesterday) but the latter is proving more difficult to put into words, but I'll keep trying until I get it right.

I'd hate to give the wrong impression, I'm not a serious person by nature. The RO and I laugh all the time, at each other, with each other and generally at everything around us. The problem is that our source of amusement is very situation specific which is hardly useful when you're reporting it after the fact. We have our little idiosyncrasies that are rather endearing to us and pretty strange to others. One such example has been a source of minor embarrassment on a couple of occasions when we have people over to visit and we settle in to watch our favourite tv drama, namely, CSI - Las Vegas. You see, the theme song (Who Are You by The Who) is irresistibly sing-able. We slip into the habit of happily singling along at the top of our voices along the lines of; 'Whoooooooo Are you.. who who.. who who. Add to this the required head movements (imagine sideways head jerks and pursed lips) and a distinct inability to carry a tune and the result is very uncomfortable guests with no polite way to excuse themselves without drawing attention to the horror!

Our weird singing habits are unfortunately not isolated to this one tv time slot as we find ourselves doing exactly the same thing to adverts as well. Sainsbury's 'Little tiny Bob' is a current favourite and Renaults Megane advert provides much hilarity and ass shaking!

Speaking of the influence of adverts, I must remember to thank a certain company for providing me with the perfect word to use on those occasions when real Cushing just isn't appropriate. The word boswelox started being used way back when the advert first came on and is used to describe any situation which obviously doesn't ring true. It brought immense satisfaction when that particular company was recently said to be to be in trouble over this particular product as their claims about scientific evidence proved to be, well, boswelox!

Such is the life huh?

VP

A simple rant..

2005-08-30T19:35:00.000+01:00

Yip, its finally happened. We have been attacked by the builders virus and its not pretty.

Today was the last straw because for the last 5 weeks we have listened to excuses and promises that never seem to be fulfilled and yet we're once again in a position where we're going to be 3 more weeks behind schedule. Making a total of 6 weeks! With winter around the corner this really is worrying.

We had watched all the relevant DIY shows, we'd planned scrupulously to try and keep the disasters to a minimum and in the end, the problem lay with the people, not the property.

Basically our electricians have dumped us right in it by disappearing mid job. They were supposed to finish the first fix (sparky speak for running all the cables and chiseling out the necessary channels in the walls) by last week-end. They were on track to get it done when I made the fatal mistake of paying them for materials - they left immediately afterwards and we haven't seen them since. Several messages seem to have had no affect at all as I'm yet to hear what the hold up has been.

The installers for our kitchen arrived today with everything in tow, to a kitchen that they can't work in because none of the ground work has been done. In short, we will now have to wait 3 weeks before they have another opening in their busy schedule. *sigh*

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the latest in a long list of builder ineptitude. I find it fascinating that there is no concept of time management or for that matter customer service in the English building industry (yes I generalise but this has been my experience so far). Surely word of mouth and repeat business are the staple for small companies and independent contractors? Work might be rife but so are the number of contractors to choose from. If I may be so bold as to use this forum as a mechanism for positive reinforcement, Dolphin Bathrooms and Magnet Kitchens have been wonderful - but then again, these are large companies with a lot invested in client satisfaction.

I itch to get my hands on the builders that are working on this contract (although violence is *never* the answer) to teach them a little bit about basic project and time management. Failing that, a simple lesson in communication and honesty wouldn't be amiss either.

The upside of all this drama is that the project is now going to be taken over by someone with a vested interest in getting things done, me! These poor builders aren't going to know what has hit them. I've had plenty of experience dealing with lazy, ignorant, dishonest workers and I'm perfectly willing to destroy any misguided impressions of saintly girliness that they might have.

Roll on PMS, this is going to be a wild week!

VP

The end is nigh..

2005-08-29T18:50:00.000+01:00

Its always sad to say goodbye to the summer but it has been a lovely bank holiday week-end! The weather was ok but the bandwidth was fabulous!

I have managed to catch up on all of my favourite blogs and still managed to fit in almost all of the chores that simply had to be done by the time the new week rolls around. One of my favourite pastimes is to follow the links from one of my regular blog reads, find one that takes my fancy and then read all the archives until I catch up. My latest obsession is with Speaking as a Parent which is both entertaining and informative (highly recommended).

Its rather strange to be on the other side of things. I've spent months following other peoples lives and finding myself warming to many of them, but I can't really imagine the same
happening here. I don't mind at all, as the very idea of sending your thoughts out over the wibbly wobbly web is enough to keep me awake at night, I'm not sure I could cope with the responsibility of actual acknowledgment!

That being said, if any of you do stumble across this place that I call my own, let me know that you have been - especially if you have a blog of your own for me to sink my teeth into as I'm almost done with Speaking as a Parent and I'll need new blood soon!

VP

Heavenly creatures...

2005-08-28T17:33:00.000+01:00

Animals are fascinating aren't they? Our 2 Jack Russels are now just short of a year old and we're trying desperately to get them house trained before the remodeling is finished. We were all prepared for this move to the new house, having bought a lovely (and rather large) dog run for them to stay in during the day while we're not here and the builders are. Unfortunately we hadn't consider the possibility of having a particularly unfriendly and grumpy neighbour - shall we call him Bob - and so we're forced to keep them indoors most of the time.

Bob isn't an immediate neighbour, he's about 200m away, across the brook and up the hill. Unfortunately he has a pretty good view of our garden and, it seems, he really doesn't like dogs. We'd been here about a week and the dogs were struggling to get used to the new sounds and smells and the steady stream of strange people coming and going on the property. It seems that in this week the dogs barked a fair amount while we weren't here. This seemed strange to us as they were perfectly fine when we got home in the evening and none of our immediate neighbour's had complained (even after they were asked). Bob however felt that it was his 'neighborly' duty to welcome us to the village with a particularly sarcastic little note. He made it very clear that we were to 'do' something about those dogs as he wouldn't put up with the noise. I was ready to super glue his letter box shut and mail bomb his doorstep with doggy-do but RO felt that there was a more 'English' way of going about it. It seems that he was right (for once) and after several nights of mithering about whether the dogs had behaved during the day, he seems to have admitted that things are better.

This may all sound perfectly reasonable but it seems that Bob has a bit of a reputation. Its been said that he would complain if a Blackbird was singing in his yard! I've since learnt that he is affectionately referred to as the Great Wall of China, what I haven't figured out is whether that's because he sits up on his little hill peering at everyone or whether its because he's a big, white monstrosity, I guess only time will tell.

VP

The high life

2005-08-27T17:39:00.000+01:00

There are definitely advantages to living the simple life. For one, we have a fantastic excuse for having our laundry done by the professionals. There's something wonderfully decadent about dropping off your bags of dirty laundry, only to collect it the following day all neatly washed, dried and folded. This is going to be a very difficult habit to break!

Mam & Dad popped around for their bank holiday visit and were clearly distressed by the general state of the house. Perhaps with age comes the inability to see beyond the obvious? More likely however, they like us, are sensitive to the fact that winter is now around the corner and life won't be nearly as pleasant or as simple as it is right now.

On the up side however, the new bath is installed and its heavenly!! Not least because we haven't had our own ablutions for more than 3 months, but also because it is HUGE. Stretched out I reach both ends and the bulging bit at the end (that the shower fits over) means that there is simply oodles of toe wiggling room. Even my larger than life friends will find it comforting :-)

Its all rather tedious material for a blog but as its the beginning of this pigs new journey into the life of a small Welsh village, I figure it'll be the beginning of something beautiful. I'll be sure to keep my eyes open for more amusing anecdotes.

VP

Checklist:
Plumbing - Sort of
Electrics - 1 plug
Kitchen - apparently next week
Bathroom - part way there
Central heating - As if!!
Rendering - Most of the render has been removed, along with parts of the wall which have had to be rebuilt. Oh the joy of it!!

In builders we trust

2005-08-26T20:25:00.000+01:00

It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder because I never realised just how much I use and enjoy the simple things in life. You know the things I mean, hot running water, elecrical outlets in every room, lights that switch on at the wall... hell the list is endless and not to be sniffed at!

Its been 2 months since we've moved our dinky little caravan onto the site of our new house in Wales. Well when I say new, what I really mean is really really old and in need of loads of tlc. Which is what we're in the process of doing but thanks to our merry friends, the builders, we are now at least a month behind schedule! Not that I'm complaining - its very romantic eating our microwave meals (no kitchen at present) by the soft glow of a low watt lamp (no real electrics to speak of) off the charmingly disposable paper plates (no sink to wash up in). Truly the inch thick layers of dust over everything provide that soft glow around all that the light touches and the 'builders cough' is just a welcome bi-product of this romance.

BGA wonders how we cope? The answer is surprisingly simple, its a labour of love. Our first house together, as a couple and all going according to plan, the place that we will enjoy many clean, well lit, crockery using moments in the future.

VP

Checklist:
Plumbing - Sort of
Electrics - 1 plug
Kitchen - apparently next week
Bathroom - part way there
Central heating - As if!!